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Kids Getting to Know Absent Father

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  • Kids Getting to Know Absent Father

    First off, hi everyone. I've been on this forum on and off for a while. I started on here because I have a friend that I write that's out of state. Recently while waiting to get a letter back after sending my last jpay to my friend, I got it in my head that I needed to make contact with my children's father. Now, this requires a little back story. We dated for about 2 years, 9-10 years ago. We had 2 children together, my son who is 10, and my daughter who is 9. He was abusive throughout our relationship, and it was extremely toxic and hard for me to get out of. My kids have had no contact with him since they were toddlers, and have had no desire for contact. For some reason I felt like I should reach out to him and see if we could communicate, adult to adult. He only got a 9 month sentence, but he was in jail for a little while before his sentence started. He's had an ongoing drug problem, which has only gotten worse since we were together. In our time together it was marijuana, the occasional pill, things of that nature. Oh, and he's an alcoholic. Since our time together he's moved on to becoming a heroin addict something I was completely horrified to find out. My opinion of him hadn't exactly been high since he put so little effort into seeing my children, but I never thought he would stoop quite that low. In any case, when I wrote him a jpay I got one back in record time. He's been swearing to me what a changed man he is, how he's found God. Such a cliche, I know. It's the first thing that came to my mind. He says that he'll never do drugs again he's lost everything and keeps calling me hunny. It seems harmless but when I knew him that was something he said to people he was trying to snowball, or to put it more honestly, bull ****. Or just lay on the charm to. I can't tell what he's doing. His out date is December 29th and he has nowhere to go, but he knows that my mom owns my house and she hates him so there's no way in hell he's coming near here, even if I wanted him to come here. He's asked to take me out and everything else. This is the same guy that proposed to me to get me to call his PO and tell him that he was staying at my address so he'd get out of jail sooner, too. Something I did not hesitate to remind him of, either. I decided to let my kids know we'd been in contact and let my daughter write a jpay, since she asked. My son doesn't want to. He's not as quick to forgive as her. He's been promising him that he's here forever and he's not going anywhere and telling them all these "goals" he has, and all these things he wants to do with them. And I have to go back and tell them not to get their hopes up, because chances are still good that he'll be the same person he always was. I guess I'm just writing this because I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I'm afraid I'm doing it all wrong. I don't want my kids to miss out on a chance to know their dad, but I'll be damned if they get roped into some stupid ****, either. I've told him over and over that he's not going to keep hurting them, and he's so agreeable but I just don't trust him. I don't know if that's because of how he treated me, how he treated them, where he is, or a combination of all of it. I guess I just needed to share my story with people that are completely unbiased. Thanks for bothering to read this, if you make it this far lol. Good luck to the rest of you trying to figure out how to navigate this. Moms, Dads, Grandmas, and Grandpas. Stay strong! These kids need us to. <3
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