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My teenaged son has a sentence of 51 yrs

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  • #16
    Hi Itzme and welcome to the jpay forum.I also have a son in prison he has 10 to 20 years and this will be starting his third year.My so was older when he went in but as he had never had any charges or problems it was devistating when it happened. i also spent money on lawyer for deal too. Not much of a deal but can't do anything about it now. At same time my husband passed away so had two things to grieve. I cried everyday and worried everyday but as has been said it has been better since I have been able to visit. I visit as often as I can and send letters/cards when I can't I blamed myself also when he was sentenced but he told me it was his choices not what I did .My son has been going to church and reading the bible which has made me feel better. still worry but it has gotten easier to handle and I pray for his safety every day. We are always here for you . We are in PA. so if not in this state I can't help with anything with prisons but basic things but feel free to ask for any thing I can help with. I will pray for you and your son.

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    • #17
      Sorry to hear your news, but I will be praying for you...

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      • #18
        Itzme, My heart goes out to you because he is so young. There was nothing that you could do to stop what he did, but, you can be here for him as long as you can. You have lost alot more than you should have. We are all here because we have some we love indise and most people don't understand why we stand with them and try to help them. May God give you the strength you need to get thru this and yes, I'll add you to my prayers also. Thank you for adding us to yours. Power of prayer is great.TC&GB

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        • #19
          Sorry-just gotta remember that he does the answers in His time and in His way. He does know best. I know that my husband told me that he probably would be dead if God hadn't stopped his downhill ride. TC&GB

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          • #20
            Namaste and Hello, Iszme. I'm truly sorry that your family, and all those affected by your son's actions, are going through this. It isn't fun by any means! My brother went in the day after he turned 18 and that was decades ago. He's now 58 and there's no end in sight. Our family have run the whole gamut of emotions: Sadness, grief, anger, depression, guilt, anger...oh, I said that before. Then we moved on to acceptance. In truth, although it's not the life anyone sane would choose, it still can be a life and I've found that that is the way to think about it.

            If we approach long-term prison sentences as having "lost" our loved one, or that they've ruined their lives, then we are handicapping them in our minds. The truth is that your son has just as big of an opportunity to make a big difference inside those walls as they do out here. Yes, there are a bunch of negatives - no denying that - but your son's life didn't end, nor did his future come to a halt. He, like us, just has to make some changes to his plans. Don't we all have to do that, even walking around in "the world"?

            We all thought that my brother ruined his life, and ours, for a lot of years. But he's always been kinda sharp. After fighting the system for years and wasting time wishing he was walking around "free", he decided that the prison was "home", whether he wanted it to be or not. Since he didn't have a choice about being in there, he made the mental adjustment that he needed to do good, regardless of circumstance. I'm happy to tell you that my brother is FREE where it counts...between his ears. He has had more schooling than I have. He has trained dogs for paraplegics. He's worked as a welder, a bookkeeper, knows his way around several computer programs even more so than I, and I am a techie. He mentors young men who are due to be released to help them learn the inward skills required to stay out once they get out, and he is presently in the Chaplaincy program.

            My brother went in an angry, heavily abused jerk, yet he has grown into a man I am proud to be able to call "Brother". All but one of my family members think he would make a great addition to the outside population...and she her only reason for not wanting him out is that she doesn't believe that people can change. She'll learn.

            You said you have faith in God: in situations like this it is important to realize that our wills do not matter in matters of faith. Trust that God has a plan and that it will work out as He wishes it to...which is certainly going to be nothing like what you can imagine now. Take a deep breath, love your son, and encourage him to make a life in there. He CAN SUCCEED! He simply needs to quit comparing his present life to what he once hoped it would look like. If he wants to be free, that freedom is his for the asking but it happens between his ears with the choices he decides to make. Help him make the right ones. And be proud of him. He hasn't finished living, which means that he has every chance to earn the pride that you will so lavishly heap upon him throughout his life. He just has to make the choice.

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