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I just need to say it out loud!!!

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  • I just need to say it out loud!!!

    I really am thankful for the different things I am reading in these Forums. I am learning that I am not in this alone. Then I learned maybe there could be feedback I didn't realize that was needed, and I was so afraid I wouldn't learn how to text on here ,then I finally just found a way. That's what I am thankful for today, getting in ,and letting out little things ,and I'm not usually a computer person, but looks as if I'm going to be learning much more. They didn't have these things in my young days ,I'm grateful for the ones that came up with all these things like cell phones and computers and flat tvs that hang on the wall. But I will never get used to the way the system fails for so many. At my age now ,seeing all the crooked things with the courts,the sheriff offices, the government, the jails and prisons, I'm in the middle of deciding to be a good person or bad person. Its been a tug of war for the last 35 years....never mind!!!! My children's dad died this morning, my nephew is in prison, my grandson just came home on parole 5 months ago, my brother turns his self in to serve 10 yrs in 9 days, my niece turns herself in to do 10 yrs may 4, my daughter decided to leave this world may 11 ,2007 without telling me, she was 30 yrs old , I have a grandson I haven't seen since she did that! he's 16 . I hear hes a cool kid and drinks and smokes "not the real pot" but I don't know the names of that stuff ,he's good looking like his mom and can fight good,and driving now. So wont be long till he gets a record at that pace. Another daughter of mine has done two prison stays ,but her son graduated on Friday and went to the army on Monday. his goal was to get out of here! her daughter manages at dollar general and she's only 18 ,does a class online so to graduate in may then she wants out of here !Another grandson just out of Army 1year,now is labeled a paranoid skiz.... , my den has 3 standup filing cabinets with ,files ,files ,files....I am full, I hurt, I am mad, I just want to stop tooo! But I am afraid to stop , Why? Cause I KNOW There is a God ,There is a Heaven ,There is a Hell ! I've had Hell, been to Hell, Living with Hell, And I don't want to spend eternity in Hell. So , I know I cant stop, I will have to get up in the morning and breathe all over again no matter what ,so YES I am thankful for these forums ,I don't feel as insane and I know I am not Alone!. Thank yall
    Now that I have all that out in the open , I feel little better . Texas Dust ,you gave me the want to be in the forums, the more I read the more desire I had to be able to just say it out loud , thank you .
    LaAunt

  • #2
    This was sent to me early this morning from someone my husband was talking to about the depths of people.

    beautiful people.jpg

    I've been through and seen a lot in my life, I have also seen many people destroy their own happiness over their choices and decisions they make, to some it is easy to step out of the darkness, others want to wallow in it and then you have those that are lost in the darkness and don't know which way to go because the darkness blinded them.

    In my life right now "off the forum" I am dealing with people who have destroyed a good portion of their lives because of messed up actions and attitudes and the only thing on their mind is, what they can get out of you, how to destroy the next person and their happiness and how they can bring you down to their level of unhappiness.

    I'm glad you found the JPay Friends and Family forum, it was the first forum I ever joined, I myself was not into joining anything on the internet, nor was I familiar with all this online stuff but I am glad I joined because it helped me in more ways than one being on here and talking with the Members.

    I'm sorry your life seems to be filled with sorrow for others at this time, I hope being here helps you find comfort, the Members are wonderful here, seems like we are all busy living life day to day but we still come here to check in and see how we can help others out, even if it is just with a greeting, a kind word, an answer to a question or just to talk about what ever.
    Last edited by TexasDust; 04-01-2015, 07:50 AM.



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    • #3
      I get so much strength form the forum. We all think we have it hard, but then ya see a post like these and ya realize that yes, it's bad, but not the worst. I always keep the forum in my prayers. i know that God hears the multitudes and we are a multitude for sure.
      i still am learning to and still don't know how to open a new post. I tried, but it's not working well either.
      I was so happy to see that some of the family members are trying to fight their way out of the darkness that seems to be in your family. May God continue to Bless them on that journey and they succeed in that.
      Yes, I ALSO THANK EVERYONE HERE FOR ALL THE HELP YOU GIVE! This is a GREAT FORUM thanks to those who are here. TC&GB

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      • #4
        Thank you , sometimes all it takes is for someone to see me... hear me .... I needed that so bad . Today is hard for my daughters with funeral arrangements for their real dad . we were married a short 7 years but we had the girls.. I feel for them ,the oldest is 44 and the middle is 41 ,so ,maybe they can do this , I feel on over load ... But determined to get thru it all. Thanks again
        LaAunt

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        • #5
          thanks, have a good day , just seeing that comment card feels my heart ..
          LaAunt

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          • #6
            You are not alone. I usually don't join things on the internet and it took me a long time to even post. Like you I felt a lot better once I read some of the posts here. When I am having a bad day I sign on and read the happy posts about first visits, release dates, marriage proposals etc and it helps me. Stay strong and god bless you

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            • #7
              Sounds like you are a strong person with everything life has thrown at you and you continue to push forward. Just remember to stop and take care of yourself from time to time. Your family makes their own choices so don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed. I'm glad you found this site.

              Texas can hold him under lock and key but in my heart is where he will be..Mi amor.

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              • #8
                Thank you for the kindness.... Have a good day.
                LaAunt

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                • #9
                  LaAunt, it is late after midnight over here. So at this time just before goung to bed I can't find many words still. Just wanted to let you know what you wrote really touched my heart and I just want to send a couple of hugs all the way from Germany to you.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by angelzgrl View Post
                    Sounds like you are a strong person with everything life has thrown at you and you continue to push forward. Just remember to stop and take care of yourself from time to time. Your family makes their own choices so don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed. I'm glad you found this site.
                    LaAunt what angelzgrl said is true. You sound like you are very strong for all that you have been through and have been dealing with right now. You also sound tired from recent events. Please take care of yourself. People with a big heart are often so giving they forget to give to themselves. Besides sharing with us (definitely helped strengthen and uphold me), maybe talking to a spiritual leader or therapist. It can be very helpful. I don't know what you are comfortable with.
                    I will add you to my prayer list. I joked with a friend (that I made on here!!) that I need to write down everyone's name because I fee like I'm forgetting all whom I'm praying for, there are so many!! lol Hang in there, LaAunt!

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                    • #11
                      Oh My heart is blessed by your kindness this evening as I read your post to me .I really needed them hugs right about now too. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know if I can keep it together .. I mentioned in a post that My girls dad passed . Well the wake is tonight , and I have already began getting the phone calls that feelings are mixed ,family's are not ,well I don't know if it is wrong of them but its not right for me and mine. The family he has had the last 37 years lived a totally different lifestyle than mine.The girls are not understanding and I think things are about to Blow at the funeral home. The don't have flowers on the casket ,they have a saddle draped and beer cans hanging off the saddle ,they have a 6 pack of beer in the casket with him,they put a bandanna on his head , they are playing a mixture of songs ,rock , country , hip hop , oh God my heart goes out to them all. I have no idea what may happen , but I will be here by the phone until I know mine are back at their home safe and without bruises and broken bones .And if they go to jail for having problems with the other family ,then I will just go bond them out! Just say a prayer for us all .
                      LaAunt

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                      • #12
                        Sorry I sound like I'm crazy , but if someone told me what I've told you all tonight .. I'd be waiting to find out if LaAunt had to go bond out her girls. lol... Well my beautiful people , I did not have to go to bond them , they made it home safe and sound with no bruises or broken bones .. just running off at the mouth and those things I let pass thru one ear and out the other .. some times it helps to clear the air in my head. Now I am headed to bed , gonna start up a new day tomorrow... But I will wear battle clothing tomorrow ..never know whats thrown at you on a Saturday .. lol Have a good night ..
                        LaAunt

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                        • #13
                          God Bless you, my thoughts and prayers are with you~~~~ Welcome to Jpay
                          Anything worth having is worth waiting and working for....HE IS WORTH IT

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                          • #14
                            My heart goes out to you and i do pray that all came out without any issues. Funerals are a way to say good bye and celebrate the life of that person. It sounds like he was cowboy type with the saddle, beer and country music. His family and friends were saying goodbye the way they knew him. maybe with him being away from you and yours so long, you didn';t get to see that side of him. Its hard for people and when someone dies that wasn't in your life, but was a part of life that you created together, it was harder for you to understand the goodbye. i have sen alot of different types of goodbyes and in the end, it's not for the one in the casket-its for those left behind. My husband was a drinker to and after the graveside services, they all stood around, took a final drink of his brand of beer and poured it in the grave and said good byes. I also know that there was a pack of his cigarettes , a beer, pictures, fishing hooks, rifle shells and other momentos of the life he shared with people. My daughters was similar. She was 16 year old and her friends left things in hers to. It was their way to mourn and say good bye. I hope that this gives you a little look at the other side of that coin. O really don't think they were being cruel in that. Just saying goodbye the way he lived. TC&GB

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                            • #15
                              Well neighbors on the forums,Easter was good and hoping the same for you all.Haven't been online this week due to brother had a hosp stay.He had 90% blockage on one of the coronary arteries,was able to clean the blockage and put a stint.And instead of having to go thru the groin,they went thru the wrist for the procedure .Unbelievable what technology has today,guidance from God to the doctors is wonderful.We are now home and maybe he can get a lot more blood flow feel much better,lol,lose some weight ,like a 50 pounder and maybe stress level will be a little better. By the way , it is his son I visit in Rayburn.As for now,he has had 1 special visit for 1 hour ,because he is awaiting sentencing, also his daughter was sentenced to 10 and has 30 days to get affairs in order before going in to begin serving time.My nephew is doing well,and will,maybe hoping,praying,with classes,good time,be home next May 2016, so until God says,I will be visiting and doing Aunt,Sister,Gran,& Mom thing.
                              LaAunt

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