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  • Frustrated

    Why does he make it sound like its my fault he went to prison? Lately we have been having little stupid arguements.

  • #2
    Unfortunately, it is human nature to take things out most on the ones we love. Maybe because they know we love them, and are more forgiving than others.
    By helping you, I help myself.


    • #3
      Im beyond frustrated. I have so much on my plate. And he knows this. I love him to death. But he keeps throwing in my face that he is waiting for the day i walk out on him.


      • #4
        He is probably feeling the insecurity of being locked up, and you are free. Most of the time their imaginations just run away. They feel like they have lost control of everything, so it sounds like he is testing you. I'm sure he loves you, and this will probably subside once he sees that your not leaving! Hang in there, it will get better.


        • #5
          I agree that sometimes when they go in, they try to chase us off because they don't want us to wait and go thru all the hastle that people around us seem to always give us. He is also venting on the pain he's feeling and since you're the closest person.u get it. I don't know the circumstances he went in and if you had anything to do with it. but if he is blaming you, then he has issues he needs to deal with. If you love him and are willing to wait and support him, then he needs to grow up. he made the mistake and he has to pay for it. He will chase you away if he keeps throwing negative things your way. Tell him he needs to realize what he has if he wants to keep it. He needs to realize that and maybe it'll help him. Where would he be if you weren't in his life? has he thought of that? Prayers going up.TC&GB


          • #6
            My bf did the same thing he kept saying ..."i know you are gonna leave" it took time for him to see i was not going anywhere...they go threw moments were they get really insecure and all you can do is let time show them ...he has been in almost 5 years and he still every once in a while gets the insecure attitude but it is short lived..
            2 days and its over !!!😍👍💛💙💜💚❤️


            • #7

              A couple things occur to me as I read your posts: 1. It is not always insecurities that lead to "go away" behavior, sometimes it is compassion and self-sacrifice. As an example, if I were to sent up for a great deal of time, I would not want my loved one to go through the time with me. Doing so would place us both in prison. I would hope that we would one day be able to become friends, as I know I would need some support while I do my time, but it would be compassion that would lead me to "throw away" a loving relationship. 2. If he blames you, then he trying very hard NOT to blame himself, and is failing, unless you WERE actually the cause of his imprisonment, which from the tone of your posts, wasn't the case.

              Two suggestions come to mind. One for you and one for him...unless you can get him to do what I suggest for you. For you, please read, 'Non-Violent Communication' by Marshal Rosenburg. It is far and away the best interpersonal communication book I have ever read and will teach you how to look beyond the words he uses to see what is really being communicated. Only a very small part of communication happens in the words of a letter. There is much more knowledge to be gleaned by how a letter is written, what words are chosen, and in what order. If a letter is hand-written, then there is much to be gleaned by the hand-writing itself. True, the book won't teach you how to pick up all the information, but it will help you understand him (each other and self) much better. After reading the book, I suggest writing him a letter giving him "what's in it for you" - he cannot believe that any sane person would stay with him, then give him YOUR reasons, and not just because you love him. What are YOU getting out of staying with him? What do you anticipate getting out of the relationship in the future? Do you feel useful? Do you get a feeling of fulfillment that you CAN stay by his side? Does it help improve your self-esteem in some way? Does the separation while staying connected suit you as you are today? Do you live for the joy and anticipation of getting his letters? Does that feeling make up for some of the heartache?

              As long as you are staying for his sake, he "knows" that he will lose you. But if you are staying because it is of greater benefit to stay than to go, then it will likely ease his mind.

              As always, I offer these words as a buffet; take what you want and leave the rest. Om Shanti