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New to this site, but not to my man being in jail.

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  • New to this site, but not to my man being in jail.

    Has anyone been involved with someone another arrest was just as common as buying a new pair of shoes? Well, I have. I have been with my husband for 4 years. Married for 2. Throughout that time I would say he has been arrested something like 12 times. Mostly drinking related and up until now all local County Stints. I used to bond him out, but the past 4 times I refused. However, the county we were living in seemed to just let him out after like 6 days, anyways. All of the charges he has gotten are drinking related. This week he was moved from county to RDC and will be there for however long until he is placed in a DOC where his scheduled release date is 2/2011. He writes me and tells me how he wants to quit drinking and change his life, which is an actual first. But, I am very well aware of the jail mentality, so it is like is sayng this because he is in jail and basically at the highest level of desperation or is the fact that he is going to be in prison for a year for the very first time actually sinking in? I used to be pretty naive to the jail thing, but once I actually went (for taking the rap for him) I saw the mentality. Granted, I was with chicks and maybe a little more calculating than guys, but still I saw and lived that life. So, this is the predicament I find myself in. I have not left him in the dust and have no intentions of totally abandoning him, but I am going to live my life. I don't know if anyone else is sick of the entire scene. To me having a husband not around is really old. I find that I cannot really talk to anyone about it, because no one I knows can relate. I just got my last letter from him from the county and it had an envelope with a drawing on it, so I know that had to cost him...but you know I would rather have someone here. I want to believe that he will change. But, the real test comes not while he is in jail or prison, but rather when he gets out. I suppose if he goes to stay at a half way house when he is out and stays clean than that will be the only shot we really have. He claims that is what he wants, so I guess I just have to see if his words turn into actions when he is not locked down. I know that if he messes up after this, he will be gone for way longer than a year...at least 10, so 5 with possible good time. I refuse to live my life that way. I used to look forward to letters and visits and phone calls and now I am lucky if I write him once every two weeks. I am just so sick of it. Does anyone else know what I am talking about? Also, if anyone has any information on RDC in Indiana, as in an address or a phone number can you please pass it along. I am trying to find it online and am having no luck. Thanks. Jen

  • #2
    I see where your coming from.. I've been with my hubby for 13yrs and he has been in and out. Well he's been in more than he has been out. He's been in and out of county then he did two years got out. Was out for three yrs and now he is back in doing four yrs this time. And I'm just not sure if this is the life I want. Well I know its not. But its not easy to just turn and walk away either.. Well I'm just venting.. Sorry..
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    • #3
      i know exactly how yall are feeling... i met my husband while he was incarcerated, through an ex, when joey got out we moved in together before we had even seen eachother in person,, that was two years ago,, even though we were new, i knew he was the one for me,, well now hes back in state this time, for revoking his probation, im so alone and so sick of catering to his every need, "call my homeboys wife" send me more cards" send me more pics asap" where is my moneyy" all that stuff, and i love my baby i do, but it feels as if its all for nothing when i have to go home every nite and sleep alone, not to mention the fact that i dnt feel very appreciated, more like he expects all this from me, and he likes to give me guilt trips if hes not getting enough letters or money,, i guess the thing that deffinatley bothers me the most is the lonelyness of it all. And when people ask me where my husband is,, i hate having to tell people hes in prison, cause your right jenn noone really understands....
      I just wanna say, your not the only one doing time,, i may be here, but im doing it with you

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      • #4
        Welcome to jpay...I know about the feeling. First i dealt with it with the ex then my hubby had 96 days of parole lefted and got sent back for drinking.I have dealt with the mdoc for the last 14 months and he is getting ready to come home and i just pray to god he learned this time cause there willnt be a next...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by jenlll View Post
          Has anyone been involved with someone another arrest was just as common as buying a new pair of shoes? Well, I have. I have been with my husband for 4 years. Married for 2. Throughout that time I would say he has been arrested something like 12 times. Mostly drinking related and up until now all local County Stints. I used to bond him out, but the past 4 times I refused. However, the county we were living in seemed to just let him out after like 6 days, anyways. All of the charges he has gotten are drinking related. This week he was moved from county to RDC and will be there for however long until he is placed in a DOC where his scheduled release date is 2/2011. He writes me and tells me how he wants to quit drinking and change his life, which is an actual first. But, I am very well aware of the jail mentality, so it is like is sayng this because he is in jail and basically at the highest level of desperation or is the fact that he is going to be in prison for a year for the very first time actually sinking in? I used to be pretty naive to the jail thing, but once I actually went (for taking the rap for him) I saw the mentality. Granted, I was with chicks and maybe a little more calculating than guys, but still I saw and lived that life. So, this is the predicament I find myself in. I have not left him in the dust and have no intentions of totally abandoning him, but I am going to live my life. I don't know if anyone else is sick of the entire scene. To me having a husband not around is really old. I find that I cannot really talk to anyone about it, because no one I knows can relate. I just got my last letter from him from the county and it had an envelope with a drawing on it, so I know that had to cost him...but you know I would rather have someone here. I want to believe that he will change. But, the real test comes not while he is in jail or prison, but rather when he gets out. I suppose if he goes to stay at a half way house when he is out and stays clean than that will be the only shot we really have. He claims that is what he wants, so I guess I just have to see if his words turn into actions when he is not locked down. I know that if he messes up after this, he will be gone for way longer than a year...at least 10, so 5 with possible good time. I refuse to live my life that way. I used to look forward to letters and visits and phone calls and now I am lucky if I write him once every two weeks. I am just so sick of it. Does anyone else know what I am talking about? Also, if anyone has any information on RDC in Indiana, as in an address or a phone number can you please pass it along. I am trying to find it online and am having no luck. Thanks. Jen
          welcome to jpay.......when i first joined i was new to it all......i do not ever want to go through this again.
          "God is moving. God is shifting the atmosphere." Hold on tight to his Unchanging hand.

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          • #6
            I sincerely sympathize with you. my wife is sitting for the second time for drug offenses, the first time when it came out because of conditional early and caught again with drugs she was given a new term and took the child, I had to spend a couple of years that I have returned it. Now I am waiting for her.

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