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  • Cheating && lies in prison

    I'm basically just looking to see if anyone has ever felt like i do now. Juan or more commonly known as Juanito and me met 3 years ago. I was going through some relationship as well as family problems and he was always there to help me. We had met in August of 2006 and that December, right before Christmas he moved to the valley to be with his Dad so he could learn to stay out of trouble. Since then we've had so many issues in our relationship. We've gone days, weeks, even months without talking because of this distance. In November 2007 I went to go visit him and my senses told me something was wrong and I was right. He had been cheating on me. He never said it but I knew. In August of 2008 he returned to the Houston area and wanted to get back with me but I didn't want that. He harrassed me and finally gave up. He went to jail some time in November and we ended up getting back in contact with each other sometime in January or February. We agreed to give it one more shot and everything had been fine until I found out he had been writing to `the other girl.` He lied at first and then admitted it when I kept bugging him. He apologized of course and we were fine. But I became lonely and in October I finally ended it. Now I found out he is back with `the other girl` and he is calling me names, sending her my letters and completely humiliating me. I only found this out because she is 19 years old and literally took pictures of the letters dated October and posted them on myspace. Since the day after Thanksgiving I've literally wrote him everyday and still have not heard nothing back. Despite the fact that he hasn't responded yet I've put $25 on his commissary and just today bought him a little gift for the holidays. I bought him a puzzle book and chicken soup for the prisoners soul. I know he likes to read so hopefully he'll enjoy that and I figured everyone loves puzzles.

    Anyway has anyone ever been in a situation similar to this one? And am I a fool for still holding on? I have a psychic advisor I talk to when it comes to all my problems and she told me he is my soul mate and that him talking to the `other girl` was just a desperate attempt to show he can hurt me and that he's using her as a wall for his confusion. She also said that he thinks about me fondly and sees me in his future.

    With that being said I'm trying to keep my head up and stay positive but it's hard. I feel like I made such a huge mistake and if I had a time machine I'd definitely go back and do things differently.

  • #2
    Well I'm a guy so take how you may. Although I'm a guy I too was in a marrige and a long realtionship. After 15 years together, three kids, big house, cars and what ever she wanted, she was sleeping with another in my bed for six months. Now I'm divorced from her and she still wants back after 2 years. Well I shut the door on her long ago. I met my soul mate and two years later now shes got time. Not to long, only 11 months with 6 to go. I have been faithfull out here and I exspect her to be in there and when she gets out. For me, that is unforgivable. As adults, we need to make commitments to each other. If you have feelings for someone else or feel the need to fool around, why are you with someone anyway? They are weak, not you. Sorry that's just they way I see it. I do the same for her, money, phone, visits whatever. If she screws me over in the end, well hell I tried but I'm walking away. This for me is my last go round. I'm 35 with my 3 kids living with me. I cn't take the heartache or pain of that stuff no more. I would rather be alone than treated like that. And to the jerk that says, it's better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all, is an *** who never was in love before. For me, the pain is to great. I have lost a lot of faith in people and humanity in general. But I hope and pray when she gets out we will live that life together. But for me, if I found out she was writing to another man and that *** was sending my letters all over the internet, Sorry got to go! If your that good of a person let me tell you girl, there are guys out there that will treat you 1000 times better than that. I for one know how difficult it is to find that special someone. But rest assured, he is out there. If your man in there does that in there, what do you think he will do when he gets out? Simple math girl, put on your walking shoes. You just never know who you will meet while your walking. Best of luck to you!

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    • #3
      Mrs. Cortez
      I think that answers772 is right. You can find someone that can love you and treat you right. I know it's hard because when you love someone is hard to let go, but if he is doing that to you right now that he is in prison, what would you expect when he comes out. I'm not saying that people can't change, but if he is already in jail and he is doing that, well he is not wanting to change whats so ever. If he is still treating you the way he is, he does not deserve you. You deserve the best. He is not appreciating all what you are doing for him. It is your decision, but think of all the things he has done to you and think if he really deserves you or not. If he is giving all your letters to his other girl or whatever that tells you a lot. He does not care for you! I know it's hard. Plus, he is humiliating you like you said. He knows that your in love and will take benefit from that. That is not right. You are worth a lot and don't deserve any of that. God is the only one that will guide you to take the right decision. We as human make many mistakes, but God will not. If you need the strenght to let him go, God will be there for you. Do what is right for you and your future! Good Luck!
      Last edited by Psalm31; 12-07-2009, 04:33 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Mrs. Cortez
        He sounds awfully immature to be associated in any capacity with someone(the girl) of such low caliber. You know a persons capacity to a certain degree, and I am sure this girl has shown her character to him on some level at some point in time. He just wants exactly what he is getting, the both of you, and entertainment. I think you should cut your losses despite what your medium or psychic advisor has to say. You are in for a world of heartache if you stay, and for some reason it stings worse from behind those walls! You deserve someone who will give you his ALL in return! You are a gorgeous woman and don't settle for less! He is low for allowing this, enabling it by sending your letters to anyone else! Who does he think he is?! OoH I was getting angry! DUMP HIM!!
        He is finally home after 21 years! Praise God!!!

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        • #5
          I haven't read any of the other responses, but my advice to you is to pull out of this one. You create your own happiness, and if you're not happy it's up to YOU to make that change. Don't keep putting yourself in a situation that will only bring you down. You're setting yourself up for disappointment. You don't need a psychic, you need to follow your own heart and instinct. Don't send him anymore money or gifts, instead pamper yourself with a pedicure, new outfit, etc. Start focusing on your happiness for a change and move on with YOURSELF. I wish you the best!
          Melissa- TX

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          • #6
            Mrs.Cortez,
            I think it is time to say goodbye and want more for yourself. If he doesn't respect you enought to keep what you shared between the two of you then why try. Even if it is gone now, why be so childish to give it to this other woman/child to post on the internet, what have you done to her other than love this man? Don't put yourself through more pain and hurt. In the end it will just prolong the agony...
            Hope everything works out for you.
            Msfjmartinez

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi my name is janay and ive been through it all. Ive been with my fiance since 2005.since then he has been in and out of prison. The first two times he had (another girl) on the side.even when he was home he was cheatin. I didnt know what to do cuz he was my first love. I went through the lies, the cheatin and the nasty letters from jail and the girl callin and txtin my. Finally i gave him a choice her or me. He chose me but was still talkin to her. So the third time he went to jail i left him. Of course he came runnin back cuz i did everything for him. But its been about 2 years since all of the drama. He asked me to marry me and i said yes. He has been totally faithful since then. I mean i still have trust issues but im gonna have to get over them. I make him send me his phine sheet and visiting list. U are not a fool for puttin money on his books or for even writing him.maybe it will work out for the better.but my opinion for u is to let him go and i hope everything works out for the better. Good luck

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              • #8
                RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!! nuff said. =/
                i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart )<3

                Comment


                • #9
                  If my partner pulled that crud on me I would fly up there and visit him like we want but instead of that 30 second embrace he would get an honorary down under kick in the crockers.
                  It is hard being alone and I am not going to tell you what to do but emotionally abusing you like that and playing mind games with you and your heart comes under domestic violence. He doesn't have to hit you to hurt you and if he hurts you then that is domestic violence even if he jsut called you names it is still domestic violence and it is plain bullying by him and the other girl.
                  I couldn't put up with that even if I thought the grass is greener on the otherside of the walls.
                  No, we don't keep Koala's as pets, we don't ride Kangaroos to school and there is no such thing as drop bears. We do love our barbies and beer so if you ever come down under have a drink on me.

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                  • #10
                    i know all about wanting a time machine to go back to happier days. when you find one let me know. i want all of this to go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                    "God is moving. God is shifting the atmosphere." Hold on tight to his Unchanging hand.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by MRS. C0RTEZ View Post
                      I'm basically just looking to see if anyone has ever felt like i do now. Juan or more commonly known as Juanito and me met 3 years ago. I was going through some relationship as well as family problems and he was always there to help me. We had met in August of 2006 and that December, right before Christmas he moved to the valley to be with his Dad so he could learn to stay out of trouble. Since then we've had so many issues in our relationship. We've gone days, weeks, even months without talking because of this distance. In November 2007 I went to go visit him and my senses told me something was wrong and I was right. He had been cheating on me. He never said it but I knew. In August of 2008 he returned to the Houston area and wanted to get back with me but I didn't want that. He harrassed me and finally gave up. He went to jail some time in November and we ended up getting back in contact with each other sometime in January or February. We agreed to give it one more shot and everything had been fine until I found out he had been writing to `the other girl.` He lied at first and then admitted it when I kept bugging him. He apologized of course and we were fine. But I became lonely and in October I finally ended it. Now I found out he is back with `the other girl` and he is calling me names, sending her my letters and completely humiliating me. I only found this out because she is 19 years old and literally took pictures of the letters dated October and posted them on myspace. Since the day after Thanksgiving I've literally wrote him everyday and still have not heard nothing back. Despite the fact that he hasn't responded yet I've put $25 on his commissary and just today bought him a little gift for the holidays. I bought him a puzzle book and chicken soup for the prisoners soul. I know he likes to read so hopefully he'll enjoy that and I figured everyone loves puzzles.



                      Anyway has anyone ever been in a situation similar to this one? And am I a fool for still holding on? I have a psychic advisor I talk to when it comes to all my problems and she told me he is my soul mate and that him talking to the `other girl` was just a desperate attempt to show he can hurt me and that he's using her as a wall for his confusion. She also said that he thinks about me fondly and sees me in his future.

                      With that being said I'm trying to keep my head up and stay positive but it's hard. I feel like I made such a huge mistake and if I had a time machine I'd definitely go back and do things differently.


                      i sent my stepdaughter the same book. i have beat myself up so much about this mess. i know exactly where you are coming from about the time machine. i wish there was such a thing, i could get my husband home and we could go back to being happy the way we were. this is hard. but i thank god for jpay and all of the chats that i have had on here. they have been helpful.
                      "God is moving. God is shifting the atmosphere." Hold on tight to his Unchanging hand.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I would defintitely move on, the entire situation is not worth it and once we can decide we are not going to put up with nonsense and tell ourselves we deserve better, things won't get any better!! If someone feels they can lie, cheat and treat you bad BUT you take them back then why would they change? Gives them the mindset of feeling you will accept anything and it doesn't take much to get you back!

                        It hurts but trust me, in time the pain will ease up and someone else will come along. At the moment we can't imagine being with someone else but guess what? Probably felt like that about the person before he came along too! I am 40 years old and trust me, I have had more than 1 Prince Charming in my life and if my man I'm with now screws up then I know in time another will come along. I'm a good woman and I deserve a faithful, true, dedicated man who will treat me as I treat him. If the task is too much for him then it's time for me to go!!

                        Goodluck and know you deserve better. I know you seek answers from an advisor but trust me GOD has better for you and He knows what's best for us since He is our Creator and I doubt His desire for us is to settle for less!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You are the pair of jeans he feels comfortable wearing from time to time but you are not his only pair of "comfty's" (she is too). He also likes trying out new ones even if he doesnt buy them.

                          Momma - save yourself from more humiliation and heartache. Dont you think you deserve more respect and loyalty from a man? What they did to you is beyond disrespect. Its already humiliating to be cheated on, then he goes and shares your deepest most vulnerable thoughts to this girl and she shares it with the world! Get disgusted, get furious, get pissed that he spit on your genuine heart too many times and now he gave HER the power to humiliate you too!...HE DID THAT - HIM - SO STOP believing he cares about you cause his actions sure doesnt prove it. He will continue to walk all over you, maybe even worse if you dont WAKE UP NOW! Lift your head up way high, lick your wounds, pretend they both dont exist to you because you are so ABOVE their level and MOVE ON. Be resolved to let her stay with him. Its the best form of karma cause she is gonna get it worse. I know it hurts, but sometimes you have to WALK AWAY for your own sanity. Forgive him in your heart but dont allow him the pleasure of your presence. He went too far and he needs to learn to respect you. Dont keep allowing him to mistreat you as if your not worth a dime then give you some sly excuse so he can have you again. LOVE does not cause the other harm! Repeat - LOVE doesnt allow you to purposely hurt the other person! Please think about this.

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                          • #14
                            I want to tell you to please not hang on every word a psychic says or live your life according to what a psychic says. she probably wants you to hang on to him so you will keep sending her money. some psychics are very real. but they will give you SPECIFIC DETAILS about you and your situation. To say that this guy is your soulmate , and that he is using the other girl to hurt you sounds fishy. If I were you I would go by his actions not words. sending your letters to the other girl?!?! those are private. I think he does not have respect for you....but keeps you around because you send him money and books. stop all of that and i bet he will stop writing. If I were you I would run....not walk.........far away from him. And then you will find a wonderful guy that fills your heart with happiness and love.Just like you deserve. THen you will be mad at yourself for wasting your time on this guy now. but it will be valuable lessons learned.I am excited for you and the new possibilities coming your way.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by AmethystRuby3 View Post
                              I want to tell you to please not hang on every word a psychic says or live your life according to what a psychic says. she probably wants you to hang on to him so you will keep sending her money. some psychics are very real. but they will give you SPECIFIC DETAILS about you and your situation. To say that this guy is your soulmate , and that he is using the other girl to hurt you sounds fishy. If I were you I would go by his actions not words. sending your letters to the other girl?!?! those are private. I think he does not have respect for you....but keeps you around because you send him money and books. stop all of that and i bet he will stop writing. If I were you I would run....not walk.........far away from him. And then you will find a wonderful guy that fills your heart with happiness and love.Just like you deserve. THen you will be mad at yourself for wasting your time on this guy now. but it will be valuable lessons learned.I am excited for you and the new possibilities coming your way.
                              I agree with you only believe what you know not all that you hear or you will be sad alot
                              STILL LOVE HIM AND WOULD NEVER WISH ANYTHING BAD FOR HIM BUT HE IS JUST A USER AND i AM NOT DOWN OR THAT SO i WILL SURVIVE WITHOUT ALL THE GAMES HE PLAYS

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