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  • leaving loved ones

    loved ones leaving , let me tell you about loved ones leaving my husband has been locked up for 17 years and he has not seen his own mother one single time in all of these years ,, you know it tears my heart out when I think of him being a 16 year old kid sentenced to life in prison (alone) let alone what if your mother turned her back on you at the same time,,. but then again she probably turned her back long before that .but who am I to be angry at her ? but I am I feel as though a mother should always be there for her child almost unconditionaly ( well really unconditional ) it is the only love that I know of that is unconditional :: but there still may have to be limits you put to your relationship because the world has gone hay wire over the years things are crazy out here . so yes take care of your self #1 but you don't turn your back on your children ... you know I watch for her on here in hopes that her heart finally decides to start healing & find forgiveness & love & maybe to even reach out to her son again ... he says he is done with her that she can never hurt him again I believe she is still hurting him now ... because every one needs their mothers love & acceptance ...( right)
    Some Say It's Fantasy Or Fairy Tale That Our Love Together Is Not Real / Yet Were Still Together After All these Years

  • #2
    Please excuse the venting in advance.

    I totally agree but with my mother in law I am glad she stays away
    for when she found out he was in jail she asked them to have him call her (he was in county ) and he did and all she did was yell at him and upset him more
    she never says anything to me and when he went in she called to ask for all his things so she could remember him I set her straight. We have been married over 3 years and nothing leaves this house that belongs to him. If she had wanted things to remember she should have been around before nows just to late I suppose I should mention she had givin everything she had of his from a child to him and said she didnt want it in her home. Now it is just to late. and a nice or kind word would have been nice when he was home or growing up but hat is another story all in its self
    Last edited by wrswife; 09-08-2009, 02:08 PM. Reason: added something
    I need the other part of my heart


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    • #3
      i feel where you both r coming from..im in the same boat here..my boyfriend family dont want anything to do with hym but yet in still when they needed somethang while he was out he gave it if he had but now he's in this situation they dont try to write or just send a post card..i get no phne calls checking on hym or nothing..but the phne never stoped ringin wen he was out..
      !tz TATTED on da CHEST..And !t Still R3m@inz..

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      • #4
        Right!

        Originally posted by angelaandavid View Post
        loved ones leaving , let me tell you about loved ones leaving my husband has been locked up for 17 years and he has not seen his own mother one single time in all of these years ,, you know it tears my heart out when I think of him being a 16 year old kid sentenced to life in prison (alone) let alone what if your mother turned her back on you at the same time,,. but then again she probably turned her back long before that .but who am I to be angry at her ? but I am I feel as though a mother should always be there for her child almost unconditionaly ( well really unconditional ) it is the only love that I know of that is unconditional :: but there still may have to be limits you put to your relationship because the world has gone hay wire over the years things are crazy out here . so yes take care of your self #1 but you don't turn your back on your children ... you know I watch for her on here in hopes that her heart finally decides to start healing & find forgiveness & love & maybe to even reach out to her son again ... he says he is done with her that she can never hurt him again I believe she is still hurting him now ... because every one needs their mothers love & acceptance ...( right)
        Girl I feel ya on this one! That has really got to be an emotional roller coaster for him. I pray she finds peace in her heart and the courage and strength to forgive and develop a relationship with her son. A mother's love should be unconditional, but nowadays...several ppl really know the true meaning of unconditional love. Everything has been reinstituted based on conditions...I pray that we all get it together and really soon!
        GOD is in control of our future and it's greater than our past!!

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        • #5
          I agree!

          Originally posted by wrswife View Post
          Please excuse the venting in advance.

          I totally agree but with my mother in law I am glad she stays away
          for when she found out he was in jail she asked them to have him call her (he was in county ) and he did and all she did was yell at him and upset him more
          she never says anything to me and when he went in she called to ask for all his things so she could remember him I set her straight. We have been married over 3 years and nothing leaves this house that belongs to him. If she had wanted things to remember she should have been around before nows just to late I suppose I should mention she had givin everything she had of his from a child to him and said she didnt want it in her home. Now it is just to late. and a nice or kind word would have been nice when he was home or growing up but hat is another story all in its self
          Some things are not to be said...right place, right time and with the right person. I think in time they'll be able to communicate again, but now is not the time. Some healing has to truly take place in all of your hearts. I don't fault you at all for doing what you did...because he's your husband and you have the right, obligation, and duty as his wife to make sure he's not hurt or harmed in any way. I'm praying now that you all be reconciled...in God's timing! God Bless You, and thanks for sharing!
          GOD is in control of our future and it's greater than our past!!

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          • #6
            Exactly!

            Originally posted by *Luv'n hym* View Post
            i feel where you both r coming from..im in the same boat here..my boyfriend family dont want anything to do with hym but yet in still when they needed somethang while he was out he gave it if he had but now he's in this situation they dont try to write or just send a post card..i get no phne calls checking on hym or nothing..but the phne never stoped ringin wen he was out..
            And now you can't get a dime from those jokers to save their own lives? LOL! I laugh b/c our stories are similar. My H2B can count the number of times his siblings have sent him anything...card, money, letter, or love. His mother bless her heart is 82 yrs old...and sends $$ when she can, but his trifling relatives refuse to send $10...now he has 11 siblings...$5-10 a month from them will not break the bank. And will keep $ on his books...but of course you can't find them anywhere when you need a dime. Surprising also to me...he was so giving toward his family when he was out. This is his first offense on circumstantial evidence, railroaded by the system and his ex-wife and most of his family abandons him.
            GOD is in control of our future and it's greater than our past!!

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            • #7
              Pray for Love & Strength. We all need it. Mine has been in 26 yrs. His mother just visited last month for a few hrs. and hadn't visited before that since 1997. I havnt been there as much as I could have either. Him and I share a son that is now a 26 yr old man. Sometimes its been easier for me to keep him off my mind. And believe me he is one of the best things in my life.I can honestly tell you that the time without him (when I was ignoring my life with him) has been the time the devil was more of a part of my life. Life is rough sometimes. Is she christian? I lost my mother when I was 19, she was my best friend.I couldn't imagine not seeing my kids,ever. God Bless & Keep Us All.
              Georgia ♥

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              • #8
                My future husband i lost him 5-11-09 to the system


                I am 22 years old and i met my soul mate, whom i got to spend 5 glorious months with before i lost him to the system 5-11-09

                I am so lonely, and i miss him more than i could ever explain. I feel how everyone on here feels.. I WANT THE OTHER PART OF MY HEART BACK.

                I think this and death are by far the worst ways to lose a loved one. I would give anything to look into my lovers eyes again. He is my soulmate and even though i am 22 i know in my heart that we are meant to be. We were planning our wedding and our future when he got arrested.

                HOW DO YOU DEAL? Please i need someone to talk to who understands where i am coming from.

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                • #9
                  Omg i can't believe there are others who are going through the same thing as me omg thank god its a miracle. My fiancee darius's family refused to help him, they are slowly coming around but i have to beg for them to put $ on his books. I have been doing it the last 5 months and it has been a stressful situation for me. Does it get any easier? I don't know how long he will be in but i pray everyday that i can get my baby back. I miss him so much.. I feel like i am missing half of my heart.

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                  • #10
                    What would you do? Ok this is kinda confusing so bare with me.He's 49,I'm 43.We met in 1982, we dated a few weeks, we had sex once.The next day he was going to florida for work.I gave him my adress but he never wrote.When I found him, he was in prison for 2nd degree murder.I was shocked.And by then our son had been born.I got in contact with him.Visited when I could, which wasnt much.In 95 we married.I couldnt handle being alone, and I wasnt gonna be married and lay with another man.So we divorced in 2003.I have always loved this man.I have been thru many struggles in my life.Anyways 2 yrs ago i moved from michigan to florida, running from drama and stress that seemed to be killing me quick.Last year I geta ph call, one of my brothers died.I called the chaplin at the prison to tell him I loved him and what had happened.We havnt kept contact, but we have always told eachother we love eachother when ever we have had contact.He seen the board back in august.its been 30 days and he called my son and told him they usually hear no within 30 days.I wrote him over a month ago and he hasnt even wrote me back.My son told me that when he went to see him his dad told him that his counselor told him to not get into any relationships when he gets out.In all these years he has been down he has never not wrote me.In my letter to him I told him i'd be there if he does or doesnt get out.He hasnt told my son to tell me anything and im just wondering if its because he is scared of them knowing something or what.I quit writing the parole board because i have alot of health problems and dont want them thinkin that he is gonna have me to take care of when he gets out.I have loved this man for a very long time.I know I need to give this time for everything to play out on all their parts.I'm just wondering what you guys think?If all the things he told me in the past about how much he loved me, I dont think that love ever goes away if it is real? I'm so very scared.This man has been some of my strength cuz I knew he was always there for me.I can't imagine him out and us not being together i been waiting for that since I was pregnant with our son who is now 26.....
                    Georgia ♥

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                    • #11
                      Everyday I get up and do the same things I did when I was well, yes, I have a caretaker that helps me, yes, I have a home care nurse, but the fact is.....I am not giving in to dying when I have so much to live for. I thank God for the time He has given me to live now.
                      _______________________________________
                      B&B Ballina

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                      • #12
                        What ailment are you dealing with? It sounds like you had a good day. Count your blessings and God bless you. You are fortunate to have someone come to your home.

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                        • #13
                          Ok ... I'm going to play devil's advocate here. (Since, I'm a 'tough-love' kind of girl).

                          As a family member to one that has been in and out of the system numerous times, there comes a time when, as a matter of survival, you have to move on. My brother spent the majority of his teens and 20s doing time somewhere. At first, I attempted to help him but in the end, that only proved to make matters worse for him. I finally had to wash my hands and allow him to make his own mistakes, pay his own price, and learn. I love my brother, but I had to stop allowing his painful path to drain my life.

                          I am proud to say my brother finally took responsibility for his own actions and is now doing quite well. But it wasn't until I realized I was not responsible for him being there, nor was I responsible to help him get through it. Sounds bad, I know... but as I've said many times, often times ... compassion isn't always pretty. Sometimes it comes in the form of a slap in the face and is much needed.

                          I can't say if my child was ever incarcerated that I would be able to do that BUT in my heart I believe, if I had done all I could for my child and they still chose a bad path, while I would most likely maintain contact, I doubt I would continue to financially support them. I suppose I don't know for sure unless I'm ever faced with it and Lord knows I pray I never am.

                          We can't judge the family members that choose to walk away. Everyone HAS to handle this in their own way. Remember, it's a matter of survival for us all.

                          Just my two cents worth.
                          Join "To Love The Least .. Prison Ministry" Sign up to be a volunteer in your state.
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                          ‎"One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try and run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half.

                          Never run away from anything. Never!"

                          ~Sir Winston Churchill

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                          • #14
                            Missing Him is Hard

                            My boygfriend is incarceted in SCI Dallas. I am having a hard time dealing with the lonely feeling i am having everyday. I have 2yrs to go and i am so scared that giving in to the lonely feeling will only hurt me more then doing the time with him. Can anyone help me?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by deviouz'swife5-11-09 View Post
                              Omg i can't believe there are others who are going through the same thing as me omg thank god its a miracle. My fiancee darius's family refused to help him, they are slowly coming around but i have to beg for them to put $ on his books. I have been doing it the last 5 months and it has been a stressful situation for me. Does it get any easier? I don't know how long he will be in but i pray everyday that i can get my baby back. I miss him so much.. I feel like i am missing half of my heart.
                              it doesnt get any easier....im going thru the same thing






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