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  • Momsie30
    started a topic How do you choose...

    How do you choose...

    I am having a difficult time. I feel like I am constantly choosing between my children. Mind you, they are all grown and out of the house. My oldest son has 4 children. My daughter has a daughter. A couple weeks ago I had to take my grandson to the doctors for a shot, a 10 minute visit and couldn't go visit my incarcerated son. Then last night I get a phone call from my son asking me to take his girlfriend's daughter to preschool knowing I visit his brother on Weds. He swears I was his last hope. I have told my oldest he has to make sure his girlfriend doesn't make appointments on Weds anymore. My oldest son says he understands but his girlfriend said it's not like he is going anywhere when I spoke to her about it. Thankfully it was on the phone because I was pretty mad. I have heard both of my kids say comments like you see Evan more then us. Now it is Weds I am supposed to be visiting my youngest son and I know he is sitting with worry wondering why isn't Mom here, until he receives my email tonight (hopefully) with the explanation. Then on top of it all my kids are financially strapped and I can't seem to help them enough. I feel like I should cut back on my youngest sons money to help the older kids. I hate to say no when my grand babies need something but the selfish part of me says I raised my kids, why should I put one of them aside to do for my grand kids when they have parents? My older children visit and write my son so they are supportive. I have tried to explain to them how I feel they claim to understand but they keep putting me in these situations. I know I should learn the word "NO" but I am still a Mom and a Granny I just feel so torn between them.....

  • Fifi
    replied
    Momsie30
    i see this is an older post, but i was wondering how things are going for you now. I think that's horribly selfish of your children to make appointments on your day you wanna spend with your son. They are manipulating you an dplaying on the love you have for them, but where's the respect you deserve from them? One day a week for them to not be selfish and demanding of you isn't too much to ask for. You're the Gramma who is supposed to enjoy the grandkids because you have rised their parents. You shouldn't have to support them and their kids. You should be able to buy what ya want, not when they demand or give ya the hints of feel sorry for me Mom and Gimme Gimme Gimme cause little brother has food, a bed and a warm place, but he doesn't have you there on Wed. if you allow them to continue to use you thru guilt. Support the one who really needs his Mom right now. I praise you Moms who stand by your children. My Mom-in-Law has been visiting her son(my hubby now) for 28 years and still goes with me on visits to. There are times when she does let the visit slide for things for the other kids and grandkids, but he still now she' ll be there every month at least twice. I pray that you can or have, overcame this and the New year is better for you and that you get to go see your son on Weds., unless you choose not to for your own reasons, not the sibbling reasons. Don't let them make ya feel guilty to do for them. Love him and you enough to say"I can't today is Wed."TC&GB

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  • joeles
    replied
    Momsie30 hold on, no need to choose between children. most important to love and care no matter what, even if they have committed heinous crimes. More often go to church. religion helped me.

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  • scrillagurl
    replied
    I hope this all works out for you! How stressful of a situation for you. I don't have children in tdc but my husband is. One thing I've done is set aside a fund for him. No one knows how much goes in it. That money is strictly for him. He knows about it and therefore knows the limit. Then re visitations.....when I choose a day that is the day. I tell those that need to know and if something comes up and someone needs help, depending on the severity of the situation, I say no! Anyhow, sorry you are having to juggle so much and I hope you find resolution sooner than later.

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  • helen1961
    replied
    Your doing the best that you can. If your schedule is to see you son on a particular day then stick with your schedule. Your other children are going to have to start dealing with there own problems. You see your other kids all the time but the son that's in prison you see him once a week. That's a big difference. We all love are kids but NO IS NO. Believe me i was in shoes and i just had to let go. God Bless...

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  • dlp
    replied
    I know how you feel I was in a similar situation.My youngest son is now in prison I am He has no one to visit to ofter support or write to except me.He is only 26 and
    desprately wants pen pals to write to him.He is a nice hardworking young man how has a 15 month sentence,. Your other children are adults and need to take care of themselves. I understand how much it breaks your heart and how much you love them all,but they need
    to stand on their own two feet. Your youngest son needs your love and support more than anything now, Yor older children need to understand that. God bless you and your family I am praying everything works out for you.
    And if anyone would like to write my son please send me a message and I will give you his address.

    Leave a comment:


  • THC0930
    replied
    I think that you need to stick to your schedule with your youngest son..he still needs his mom.. I think that the other kids need to REPECT you and your time with your other son.. If they know you visit on Wednesday's I would say okay well I can do it after, but not during this time and they should RESPECT that and not make you feel bad. Good luck to you!

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  • AllHis
    replied
    How stressful!! You sound like a very caring, kind person. I'm sure you feel like you are being pulled from all different directions. It is difficult telling people 'no' but once you start, it gets easier and easier. Don't let people make you feel guilty for your choices. It sounds like they play upon your kindness and manipulate you into feeling guilty so you do what they ask. If you want to see your youngest son, see him and tell everyone else you are unavailable that day. You are a mother and a grandmother, NOT a bank/nanny/taxi. They should be grateful for your support, not demanding of it. I know as a mother we want what's best for our children, but sometimes what's best for them is learning how to survive without your constant help, aka learning independence. And maybe with that independence they will learn a little gratitude as well and be thankful for you. Hope things get better for you!

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  • denise.ortiz
    replied
    Your grandchildren are not your responsibility, that's why they have parents. I understand the want to help everyone because they are your children. However they are grown, and are capable of working to support their children and themselves. A little goes a long way you don't need to financially support them, if you can give a little okay but if you can't then they need to respect that. As for your son in jail, set a limit and stick to that every month, he will make due trust me. But all of your kids need to realize you have to support yourself, and they need to not try to make you feel guilty, they need to take care of themselves at some point. And your grand babies they will understand, they are just children. Keep your head up and I pray this works out for you.

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