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My dad has been n out of prison my wole life

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  • My dad has been n out of prison my wole life

    I am 17 yrs old and my dad has been in and out of prison my whole life he would get out for probably a year and then mess up and go back every time we would start to get to know each other he would get in trouble and i have always felt like it was my fault like he would mess up o purpose just to get away from me like i did something i feel like he abandoned me every time things got hard and i just dont know what to do about it this is the longest time he has been away so far and i miss him so much sometimes i blame him or myself or my mom i jus want my daddy to come home and stay home and us to have a normal father daughter relationship

  • #2
    I understand where you are coming from. My mother has been in prison for 25 years I think since I was 4 or 5 years old. My father has been in for like 26 years I don't talk to him it's best that way. I use to but it just wasn't healthy for me at all. My brother is following in his footsteps and has been in and out of prison for the past 10 years. He gets better and then he messes right back up. I use to talk to him but I found out in a round about way that he has been telling my father about me and my life when I asked him not to and well I don't talk to much to him anymore and if I do it's just a hi and I love you type deal or for holidays and his birthday.

    As far as my mother it's hard to go see her and talk to her but I manage even though it hurts sometimes. We are working on our mother daughter bonding but it's not the same through letters and vists. Plus when they are in there for so long it changes them in certain ways that I never thought was possibile. All these hurdles to climb over and under that we throw at each other is very tiring. Sorry I'm not that good with spelling. I can totally understand how you feel abandoned and whatnot cause I fight with it myself a lot to the point where I have to take miny breaks from it all. She understand when I distant myself but I also feel bad for doing so cause I am the only person she has really. Sorry tend to babble a lot. It would be great to talk and stuff if you ever need to or I ever need to. So just hit me up on here just bare with me cause sometimes I have so much going on I forget to come on here till I go to my email and it has a crap load of Jpay stuff all over it. LOL! Well I will check in later! Have a great day and keep your head up sweety!!
    No matter the distance between us, you are still near and dear to my heart!!


    • #3
      I do not have parents in prison. But I do have kids that have their daddy in prison. I can't imagine how you feel going 25 years without your mom. Or the better part of 17. I will say this, it's not your fault. Your dad may be institutionalized and not know how to live or what to do with himself in the outside world. Veelee- how long until your mom is paroled or maxes out?
      The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.
      ~ Walter Whitman[url=]


      • #4

        It is NOT your fault, no matter what. Your father, like everyone else, is JUST a regular human being doing his best to get through life. When we are small children, it is "all about ME". Thus, when Dad or Mom does something, it HAS to be due to what "I" did, it never even crosses our little minds that Mom or Dad is just a regular Joe who had no clue how to handle a certain situation and made the wrong choices..and sometimes they are actually kind of thick-headed and don't learn from their mistakes. It's a shock when we finally are able to see our folks, not as Mom or Dad, but just see them for the human beings they are. Fragile, mistake-prone, and sometimes quite ignorant.

        It is kinda like this: When we are kids, adults (even the mean ones) seem to be so mysterious and smart. They know everything. Of course, we have no way of knowing that if they don't know the answer, they make stuff up. Then we grow up and realize that we don't know how to be an adult. What happened? Did we miss the class where God gave the instruction on what being adult was all about? So we fake it. We act like we know what is going on and what we're doing, even when we haven't a clue. We hope that no "real" adult asks us a question because then we'd be found out, THEY would know that we're just faking it. Well, since we are so busy faking it, we don't always pay attention to what is directly in front of us and so we do really stupid-seeming things. We behave in ways that we've behaved before because we are too scared to try new ways, or because our minds just aren't sharp enough to come up with a way that will take us down a new path.

        Example: When I met my father after I had become an adult, he actually seemed quite dull-witted, though my memory of him said he was a very intelligent beast. To the child (and later because I repeated to myself over and over again how smart he was--not realizing that I had no clue how smart he was because I had not been able to see him like I would a stranger) he WAS very intelligent. But because I didn't see him for 20 years, I was able to go back and SEE him, as though he was just another guy I just met. And my illusion of who he was couldn't stand up against the reality of who he was. Suddenly, all the hatred and pain I had carried for years just vanished.

        Your parents are NOT who you think they are. Go find other people who are the same age as they were when you were born and talk to them a little while. Then remember that your folks were JUST like that when you were born. No, what they did is not your fault. Heck, it was barely even their fault. If someone doesn't know they have a choice, do they actually, then, even have a choice?

        As always, take what you want and leave the rest. May these words be of benefit.
        Last edited by Yogi_Kai; 01-09-2012, 03:19 PM. Reason: spelling


        • #5
          It is NEVER your fault. My Dad has been in and out of prison since I was 6 months old, more in than out. I am now 30. I have struggled with the same feelings you are. People make poor choices on a daily basis, mostly on impulse...some people learn from them and some continue making the same poor choices. Your father is a grown man, he knows right from wrong. Him going in and out of prison has nothing to do with you!! Inmates eventually become institutionalized...Once they get out of prison and find it hard to make a living or easily get through society, the intentionally start screwing up again just to go back to prison where they have rules! Keep your head up, girl!


          • #6
            i know the feeling my dad bounced in and out for the entirety of my childhood by the time i hit 15 hed been in for over half my life how ever i never blamed myself my dad looked at my mom when i was a year old and she was preg. with my sister and chose to stick a needle in his arm. know that it wasnt ever you if he couldnt get his life together to be there for you then that was on him and the older you get and the more he sees you change and grow into an adult i imagine the worse hell feel about it my dad has been trying to make it up to me but when it really mattered when he got my step mom pregnant with my youngest sister and they got into it again he still couldnt walk away from all of it all the drugs the women and they lost her someone adopted her i havent seen her since she was 18 months old and now shes 6 im finally to a point in my life where i can say i did the best as a daughter to keep a relationship with him but you can only give someone so many chances before you start shaming yourself all i can say is be there for him when he needs you even if you arent there for him and give yourself some credit you still love your dad and me id do anything to stay away from mine because of how his past has effected my future and dont make the same mistakes he did show him the person he missed out on has grown up to be a fine young woman with out him and make him proud even if he hasnt been there to say "i did that" cause whats best is whats best for you and your heart
            there is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change - euripides