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  • Moments of Love, Pain, Sorrow & Lonliness

    In seeing the Posts we have a few that are here with Parent/Parents in Prison

    You are not alone and would like to know if you would like to SHARE The Up's & Downs of what you experinced To Let others know that it is ok to feel what they are feeling.

    LOVE

    HURT

    ANGER

    ABANDONMENT

    DISAPPOINTMENT



    So Many Feelings HOW DOES ONE COPE!?
    Last edited by TexasDust; 05-27-2009, 02:09 AM.



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  • #2
    I am raising my 5 yr old grandson due to my son being in prison and his ex not being able to take care of him, my grandson has seen his father thru glass most of his life but he thought his Daddy was in school and he would come home soon. When he started headstart he came home one day with the most suprised look in his face and he told me "Mami Liz I know that my Daddy is not in school he's in jail" and that broke my heart that as young as he was he had realized that his life was not that of a normal child because his father was imprisoned, Im just fearful of the day he finds out what 50 years means. GOD Bless all of you who have a parent or loved one in prison.
    I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me...

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    • #3
      Years after years...

      Hi... I am here to let other hildren, teenagers, and even adults with parents in prison know that they are not alone. I have been without my father for my whole life (21 years) and I know how hard it is. I see him maybe once every 6 months to a year. I do not live in the same state where he is incarcerated so I do not get the chance to see him that I would like. There used to be a time where dealing with the fact that my father was in prison didn't hurt as bad as it does now. I say that it hurts now more than when I was a kid because I had to make a decision to stay with him or move on with my life and wait for that beautiful day when we are reunited outside of all of the rules, walls, and limitations of him being in prison. If anyone needs help coping, please do not hesitate to write a reply on here. I will check back frequently. Good luck to all out there that are similar to my situation and even those who are not.
      God Bless.

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      • #4
        I can not say I know how you feel, or I know what your going through because I can not. But I just want to say I am sorry for what you are going through and what you have gone through. I will keep you and your father in my prayers, I hope my son gets on with his life and is there for his little girl when he gets out. She needs him and waits for him everyday to come home. She was 2 weeks old when he went in she just turned 7 May 23, 2009. I keep asking him and telling him to be right so he can get out as soon as possible. Sometimes the games In Prison get them caught up! God Bless You's both.

        Tabi2006 & mami liz

        Sometimes it seems like life doesn't give us a break, we just have to stand strong FOR OURSELVES so WE can be STRONG for OTHERS that need US! When we have to find the balance in our own lives to keep from falling over it is hard, when we never get filled up by someone else with LOVE, SUPPORT & UNDERSTANDING it makes it feel like there is no end. When people demand our TIME and Energy and we feel we have no more to give that is when your true strength shines through and we can go on another day!

        I will be praying for you both and your families!
        Last edited by TexasDust; 06-10-2009, 01:00 AM.



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        • #5
          The absence of a father

          Hi, first post on forums. My father has been in jail since I was 14, and I just recently turned 21. It was very hard to not have my father since I was a completely spoiled daddy's girl. The first year it didn't bother me because I had to be strong for my mom, who was falling apart. When my dad went away so did our financial stability, and all of the lavish expensive things we were accustomed too. Not to mention the way some in the community treated my mother since they were both upstanding citizens in our community. I didn't have a problem with my friends just they're parents. After that first year though, I definitely started to just grieve in the only way I knew. I was drinking so much, partying all the time, I then became homeschooled for medical reasons, and started working full-time. I dated the wrong type of guy got into some legal trouble all in 6 months. Then I realized this wasn'[t me, I was a straight A student, a good kid and I was being ridiculous. I know if my Dad had been home I would've never been allowed to do as much as I did. I'd probably still have gotten at least an underage drinking charge at some point, but since I was under 18 everything was sealed, I had only been on probation even though I had numerous charges, and I dumped the "bad" boyfriend. As much as people say I should be angry at my dad, I'm not, because if he had never gone to jail, I would've never understood the concept of money, of working to put a roof over your head, to be proud of all that you can accomplish on your own, and I'd be just another girl living in a dorm getting money from her parents to go to the bars and shopping in between partying and classes. Since I was 16 I've paid for everything on my own and I have a new Mercedes an amazing job, and I'm in school part-time to become an Engineer, I live with my fiancee and couldn't be happier. I see my Dad every month, and I write to him on JPay all the time. I miss him so much it hurts. I just wish he was here for all the good things. but they would've never happened if he had not gone to jail. My Dad is very proud of me, and wishes he were here and that's the hardest thing for me is knowing that he is in pain. I know a lot of children don't have anything close to my situation, but I think that I can still relate to having that void of a parent and trying to fill it with something anything even if it is just a vice.

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          • #6
            I am raising 2 girls 6&12 yrs old. My 12 yr is really actimg out because her dad just recently went back to jail om jan.7,2009 and he was sentenced to 5-10yr. My 6yr is a daddy's girl all she does is cry all day for her dad. I am really going crazy and don't know what to do. They talk to him everyday and finally went to see him last week and they are really going crazy after the visit. They cried half way home and I felt rally bad don't know if I should take them back. Any one with any suggestions.
            Missin My babe

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            • #7
              Keep taking them back and give your 6 year old a picture of him so she can keep with her, laminate it so it last along time. Only quit taking them if they do not want to go But do not let to much time go by inbetween vists with them no matter what even if they don't want to go. Sometimes for a child of 6 it is boring in there regardless if daddys in there or not. Make it family time in there and play the board games together as a family some times just let daddy play unless the kids insist that you join in too.
              Last edited by TexasDust; 06-14-2009, 10:01 PM.



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              • #8
                Hello to all

                Well...I only just found this forum, and I'm so glad I did. My dad was arrested two years ago, when I was 20. The last two and a half years have been really hard. Sometimes it feels like our previous life was a dream. We were the most typical, boring, American dream family you could imagine. Then we found out my dad had been living this whole double life.

                To anyone out there who feels the guilt of having not seen something coming--I know how you feel. In two days, my life and the life of my family was turned upside down.

                Father's Day is this weekend, and thinking about it makes me want to cry. I see my dad pretty regularly--every other week or so--though I know that soon I'll have to cut back.

                I am planning to open a center in the future for support of families with incarcerated loved ones. There are so many victim advocates, and yet no one ever sees the victims behind the criminals. The families are never seen--yet sometimes we need as much help as the original victims of the crimes. If anyone has any thoughts on this, or would just like to talk, I'm more than happy to talk.

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                • #9
                  My name is Malia and my father went to prison at the same ages as your girls. I am now 31 and he went back 12 years ago. I would love to reach out to your 12 yr old and let her know she is not alone. I am a Registered addiction specialist and have my degree in group and family counseling, but more importantly I know what she is going through. I will keep your family in my prayers.

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                  • #10
                    I wanted to thank you. your breif words of thoughtfulness and understading were very much needed and appreciated by me. I know we can make it, even though it is very painful and difficult. I'll be here for you, if you'll be here for me too. ;^)

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                    • #11
                      Only wanting what's best for my child

                      Hi. If anyone can help me out with the decision of taking my almost 5 yr. old son to visit his dad in prison, i really would appreciat it. My son's dad was only in his life for six months. then he went to prison. my son remembers the times that he spent with his dad because he does talk about him sometimes. I have a lot of support from my family. but my son's dad wants me to bring him up to visit and i am really scared about what the best decision is for my son. His dad has been gone since July 2007 and is serving six years so he will get out in 2013. I am very confused and scared that if i take my son to visit him then it might not be good for him. my son has been acting out ever since his dad has been gone. what do i do, should i cut off all ties with his dad and let my son forget about him, so that me and my son can move on?? Please help me with advice and opinions! i really will appreciate it. especially if anyone has been in a similar situation. Thank you.

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                      • #12
                        Take your son TO SEE HIS DAD! That is his dad and NO MATTER WHAT will remain that way even after his death! It would be different if the crime he committed was agaisnt his son. If you want to go on with your life and do not want to see him you can always set visits up with someone else taking your son in to see his dad. That should be a proud moment for you, you loved the man enough to lay with him and then have his baby let your son have a chance to know his dad BEFORE his dad gets out and they are complete strangers NOT GOOD AT ALL! You could be able and say it was his fault for being incarcerated but that would not be the truth, it is in yours hands. what do you think is best for your child!? NOT FOR YOU! FOR YOUR CHILD!?



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                        • #13
                          My partner's son was 2 when he went to prison. His mother took him once then kept him away for a significant amount of time. When he returned he did not remember his father. That crushed his father. Fortunately when the boy came back again and again he began to build a relationship with his father. The boy does not get up to see his father that much being that the mother and father aren't together and the man's family don't get up that much and she is too much of a witch to allow me to bring him up or he could get up there weekly. BUT let me tell you what, this boy ADORES his father. They have a father son relationship. One of the reasons though is the Father prayed for the relationship and God answered that prayer. Your son deserves to know his father. In or out of prison. But your son also needs to know that prison is no joke and its not all about a visiting room and vending machines and getting your pictures taken too. The father has to tell him how NOT to end up there in the process. I know he is only 5, but now is how they start a relationship. Get that boy to his daddy. If you were the one in there, I know you would want to see him, and you could end up in there by mistaken identity or anything someday you never know.
                          Devoted to rideout til the end

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                          • #14
                            I have been in your situation before!My exhusband and the father of my 2 childern went to prison when my youngest was 6 months and i took them faithfully every weekend to see there father!You should take your son to see his father every child deserves to know there father regardless if hes in prison or not!I did it for 4 years!All you gotta do is be strong for your son!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by bet View Post
                              Hi. If anyone can help me out with the decision of taking my almost 5 yr. old son to visit his dad in prison, i really would appreciat it. My son's dad was only in his life for six months. then he went to prison. my son remembers the times that he spent with his dad because he does talk about him sometimes. I have a lot of support from my family. but my son's dad wants me to bring him up to visit and i am really scared about what the best decision is for my son. His dad has been gone since July 2007 and is serving six years so he will get out in 2013. I am very confused and scared that if i take my son to visit him then it might not be good for him. my son has been acting out ever since his dad has been gone. what do i do, should i cut off all ties with his dad and let my son forget about him, so that me and my son can move on?? Please help me with advice and opinions! i really will appreciate it. especially if anyone has been in a similar situation. Thank you.

                              Like everyone else here, I too HIGHLY encourage you to take your son to see his father. My daughter's father has been incarcerated since she was 12 months old and is now over 2 1/2 years old. She met him one time at his sentencing hearing and has met him in person "for real" this past June when I took her to visitation at his prison. Even though she's had limited in person contact with him, she KNOWS him because she has pictures of him and speaks to him on the phone daily. When we went to see him, she acted quite shy at first, but she warmed up eventually. It was funny though, because she kept whispering in my ear "Tell my Daddy, he not allowed to talk to me" but the point was she called him "her Daddy" and knew it when we she saw him. Because of the contact I keep with her father, my daughter knows her daddy doesn't live with us, but he is still "there" for her in the parent role. When we sing songs like "twinkle little star" she tells me "NO stop singing mommy, only my daddy sings that song with me" and it is very rewarding for me as a mom to be able to foster that relationship they have.
                              IF you don't already kno, u betta ask somebody!

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