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Adult child of an inmate

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  • arcadia
    started a topic Adult child of an inmate

    Adult child of an inmate

    I am 30 years old and my father was incarcerated for 'life' last week. I am devastated. The thought of him living out the next 20 or so years in a cell is so scary to me. He is about 6 hours away so I cannot go see him often. I can only write.

    I am an adult, so I don't know if this officially where I should put this...but it seemed the closest fit.

    My dad had no criminal history to speak of before this and has always been a fantastic father and friend. He's always been a big part of my life. My heart is broken. I've forgiven him for his crime (and don't believe his punishment is just, although I know what he did was wrong) but am left to do nothing but worry for my father.

    I guess I am coping alright. I've accepted the way things are, but I still feel like its so wrong. I wish there was something I could do.

  • arcadia
    replied
    It's been over a year since I've looked at this, and things are still hard but that's just how it is. I write and am going to see Dad this weekend. Since we live so far away they will let us see him both Saturday and Sunday for about 4 hours each day. We can only afford to go about twice a year but it is always good to see him. Thank you to everyone that has added their story to this. It is a relief to know that I am not alone.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mrs. Brown
    replied
    I can relate. I am the adult child of a newly released inmate. I am 26 and my father just got out from doing 24yrs. So i was 2 when he went in. It was hard cause i always felt like i was missing out. My father missed out on all of my child hood. I never blame him though because he has been a better father then alot of men on the streets with there kids. He missed the birth of all but the last of my kids. He missed me and my little sister's graduation. He never even got to take us to the first day of school in any grade. However, I can say as a little girl i always wanted a man like my dad and i guess i got what i asked for because now i have 4 children 4,2,1, and 3mths and their father is in prison. I dont knw how my mom did it. Its only been a month and i'm losing. My 4yr is so smart and she asks were her dad is all the time. What do i say? I tell her he is at work she has a question for that, i say he is out of town for a minute, she has a question for that. She his such a daddys girl (like myself) so its hard. Then i have to decide if i want them to see him in there. I knw from experience that, that is a hard pill to swallow. Seeing your dad after so long then at the end of the visit he's still in there and you have to leave without him each and every time. I dont think i can do that to my kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • jo a glenn
    replied
    my grand daughter is 3yr. old turning 4 and she so misses her dad, and mom gonna see bout this video chat! hopes it helps her!

    Leave a comment:


  • Daddysgirl28
    replied
    I know the feeling. I'm 28 and my dad was just sentenced to 20 years.......it's hard. Miss him everyday. God bless

    Leave a comment:


  • Cayla Lester
    replied
    I am 19 and two years ago my father was charged four times, and each charge he was given 99 years. He will serve 30 years for each charge.! So he will never be getting out. He had a criminal background on him but nothing bad. Just a few years here, and a few years there.! So when I heard what he had been given it tore me apart.! Especially because one jackass said "He deserves the death penalty." The charges against him were stupid, and the whole trail was pretty much bogus.! He didn't deserve what he got.! Now my father won't be around to see me get married (he didn't even get to see me graduate high school.!) have kids, or anything that he should be here for....It's hard to deal with.!! I still miss him every single day, and I still cry for him sometime...I'll never stop needing my daddy.! He was a great dad.!

    Leave a comment:


  • Daddy's Girl
    replied
    My dad's locked up too!

    I miss my dad too. I am 38 years old and he still has a few years before his ERD-

    For the first couple years i was so depressed and i couldnt focus on anything but him. All I did was worry about him, it took along time for me to come with the realization that I could do nothing to help him and i needed to focus on my life and my kids...

    My dad will ever be my dad again, he has changed, everything about him, the way he talks, the way he looks, he went away at 50 a vey handsome man- now he looks 60 yrs old with gray hair and wrinkles, he dont smell the same, you know how only a hug from daddy can make you feel better, even that feels different! and the way he acts so hard & tough? I will never have the same dad I had growing up.

    He is about 2 hours away from me and i dont have a car that is reliable enough to make that trip. I have to wait untill another family member goes, so i catch a ride with them. I dont think its ever too far from your mind. there is so much violence inside those walls and he is now an old man, that has no business being in fights!

    Its nice to know (although I am not happy anyone has to go through this pain) that i am not alone. I mean really, a woman my age crying like an 8 yr old for her daddy!
    Last edited by Daddy's Girl; 08-08-2012, 01:47 PM.

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  • Kambric
    replied
    Originally posted by arcadia View Post
    even though I'm an adult and don't technically 'need' him now.
    You always need your parents.

    My dad was sentenced to 20 years when I was 30. Now, 10 years later, I feel like I'm closer to him than ever before because of our correspondence. As for what to write, we talk about anything and everything under the sun. Let loose in your letters and maybe you'll learn more about him than you expected and vice versa.

    The first year is the hardest for you and for the inmate. Dad's first year in he was in lots of fights but he finally settled down and eased into prison life.

    Don't be ashamed. Your love for him has nothing to do with his crime and his crime is not a reflection on you.

    Hang in there,
    Kambri Crews
    Last edited by Kambric; 09-20-2011, 12:34 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • arcadia
    replied
    Originally posted by larrysdaughter View Post
    I know your pain somewhat. I'm 33 but my Dads been in since I was 10. If you ever want to talk please message me. Its hard, it sucks and mostly its not fair. Keep your head up, write lots of letters and send pics!
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Thanks.

    Leave a comment:


  • larrysdaughter
    replied
    I know your pain somewhat. I'm 33 but my Dads been in since I was 10. If you ever want to talk please message me. Its hard, it sucks and mostly its not fair. Keep your head up, write lots of letters and send pics!
    Posted via Mobile Device

    Leave a comment:


  • arcadia
    replied
    Originally posted by Miss BSU View Post
    Welcome to JPay. Life... it seems it is handed out way too much. I am so sorry. It is a nightmare to say the least. I wish I had some suggestions for you about his sentence. I would definitely keep asking. Meanwhile he will be glad to get you letters and support. We are all here for you.
    Thank you.

    Leave a comment:


  • arcadia
    replied
    Yeah. I am struggling with it. I am in the process of writing a letter to him. I want to include my recent visit with his father, my grandfather and other family members. But I am worried that may just make him sad. It's hard. I don't know what to write or not write. Sometimes I think anything will be good cause at least it's something from the outside. But then I worry I'll make him sad that he can't be here with us enjoying life. *sigh* I don't know.

    Thanks for relpying, it is nice to know that I am not the only one out here that hurts cause my dad went to jail, even though I'm an adult and don't technically 'need' him now.

    Leave a comment:


  • rooster66431
    replied
    I am 43 years old and my father was given a life sentence about 10 years ago. He and I are very close, and I was devastated as well. I still find myself wishing things were different, but have come to realize I cannot change anything within the last five years. It is still very difficult for me that he is no longer just a phone call or drive away. It is nice to know there is somebody else out there like me.

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss BSU
    replied
    Welcome to JPay. Life... it seems it is handed out way too much. I am so sorry. It is a nightmare to say the least. I wish I had some suggestions for you about his sentence. I would definitely keep asking. Meanwhile he will be glad to get you letters and support. We are all here for you.

    Leave a comment:

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