Son Needs Father Figure....

[humble1]

My son's father has been incarcerated since our son was 2 weeks short of his 1 year birthday. Now my son is about to be 3 years old and boy..when they say terrible 2's. That saying was true for me. The thing with my son is and I have been told by many people is that he needs a father figure. The only males he's around are relatives. When I take hime to go vists his father every weekend or every other weekend. While we're there visiting and our son acts up he really doesn't say or do too much. But he will say " you need to spank him". As you alll know spanking children in public these days are totally different from when I was being raised. See in a sense i feel like my son does this at the times he know he can get away with it. Should his father help out with his discipline during visitation in some way?

[mrsgoo]

Originally Posted by humble1

My son's father has been incarcerated since our son was 2 weeks short of his 1 year birthday. Now my son is about to be 3 years old and boy..when they say terrible 2's. That saying was true for me. The thing with my son is and I have been told by many people is that he needs a father figure. The only males he's around are relatives. When I take hime to go vists his father every weekend or every other weekend. While we're there visiting and our son acts up he really doesn't say or do too much. But he will say " you need to spank him". As you alll know spanking children in public these days are totally different from when I was being raised. See in a sense i feel like my son does this at the times he know he can get away with it. Should his father help out with his discipline during visitation in some way?

HELL YES... something about a man's voice saying sit down or stop seems to get thier attention. BUT U NEED TO DEVELOP THAT DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT PISSING MOMMY OFF LOOK... I CALL MINE "ACT LIKE U GOT HOME TRAINING LOOK, AND DONT EMBARRASS ME IN PUBLIC" LOOK... once u develop that ... regardless of the age of the child.. you'll be alright.. mine know off top, the rules once we get in the car...u the rules start...

[BMKAT]

Originally Posted by humble1

My son's father has been incarcerated since our son was 2 weeks short of his 1 year birthday. Now my son is about to be 3 years old and boy..when they say terrible 2's. That saying was true for me. The thing with my son is and I have been told by many people is that he needs a father figure. The only males he's around are relatives. When I take hime to go vists his father every weekend or every other weekend. While we're there visiting and our son acts up he really doesn't say or do too much. But he will say " you need to spank him". As you alll know spanking children in public these days are totally different from when I was being raised. See in a sense i feel like my son does this at the times he know he can get away with it. Should his father help out with his discipline during visitation in some way?

Yes his own father should be able to discipline him when he can to establish that he is the parent with your son!!
Although my son is only 10months....I completely understand about him needing a "father figure" but I honestly don't feel that the figure has to always be the actual father especially if he's not around at the time!! The males that you do have him around can help mold & impact his life just as well (as long as they are positive male figures who you wouldn't mind having your child look up to)!!

[TexasDust]

Originally Posted by humble1

My son's father has been incarcerated since our son was 2 weeks short of his 1 year birthday. Now my son is about to be 3 years old and boy..when they say terrible 2's. That saying was true for me. The thing with my son is and I have been told by many people is that he needs a father figure. The only males he's around are relatives. When I take hime to go vists his father every weekend or every other weekend. While we're there visiting and our son acts up he really doesn't say or do too much. But he will say " you need to spank him". As you alll know spanking children in public these days are totally different from when I was being raised. See in a sense i feel like my son does this at the times he know he can get away with it. Should his father help out with his discipline during visitation in some way?

Not really a father figure but a male to interact with, your dad a brother of yours if you have one or a male friend (a male figure).

About him helping dicipline.... He doesn't want to be the bad guy so he is letting you be the bad one! But yes he should help out, it is better for him to be firm with his boy, then have all that he needs a spanking build up inside him, and think when he gets out his son is a brat and then you will be contending with a different issue. In visiting it is has got to be hard to want to tell him to sit down or No and then have your toddler start screaming and carrying on, then your Ole' Man gets embarrassed and Some of the people get upset around you yet most know and understand that have kids. All I can say is I feel for you I Know it is Hard! Seems like The Burdens end up on Us.....

[humble1]

Yes....you got it down pact. But the thing with my son is he'll do it knowing I won't get on him too much in public and when I really have to he'll start screaming so loud that people probably thinking I'm trying to circumsize him or something.

[humble1]

Originally Posted by mrsgoo

HELL YES... something about a man's voice saying sit down or stop seems to get thier attention. BUT U NEED TO DEVELOP THAT DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT PISSING MOMMY OFF LOOK... I CALL MINE "ACT LIKE U GOT HOME TRAINING LOOK, AND DONT EMBARRASS ME IN PUBLIC" LOOK... once u develop that ... regardless of the age of the child.. you'll be alright.. mine know off top, the rules once we get in the car...u the rules start...

Yes....you got it down pact. But the thing with my son is he'll do it knowing I won't get on him too much in public and when I really have to he'll start screaming so loud that people probably thinking I'm trying to circumsize him or something.

[biggyfats]

There are many mentoring programs that may be able to help - try researching mentoring children of prisoners in your area and you may come across something.

[GAPEACH2005]

I loved most of the replies and responses given here so I'll just add a little more!! Like Texasdust said, he doesn't want to be the bad guy but you need to talk to him (the dad) and let him know how important it is for him to establish his role as father AND disciplinary!! He can't wait until he's out, it will take longer to put that into play.

My son's father is great but he is on the road alot (truck driver) so my father and brother play a huge role as male role models. You mentioned your male family was in the picture so speak with them and ask them to assist you in that area. My son and my man also have a wonderful relationship and when we go visit my son knows he must behave like he has some sense!! My man will discipline him but not physically because it's not needed, all it takes is his firm deep voice or that look and my son straightens right up!! It's funny though because I feel my son loves and respects him even more for that.

Communication is the key, talk to his father and you guys can "slowly" introduce his father into disciplining him. You don't want to rush it or bring it about quickly because at this point your son is not use to him administering any type of discipline. Of course I wouldn't spank him on the visits, you might find yourself in a jumpsuit!! LOL Terrible how they have taken the right for parents to discipline their children how they see fit but that's the world we live in. As long as it's not abuse I don't see anything wrong with a good ole fashion spanking!! I won't do it in public but my son knows he'll get it!!

Just discuss it with his father and come up with something you both can agree on. Goodluck!!

[budhaand beckssis]

He is doing it because he knows he can get away with it. Yes, his father should help out during the visitation but he is also very limited to what he can do during this time. I hope you know that kids all go through these stages where they can be difficult, so this too shall pass. I am in the process of adopting my nephew because my sister is in prison in Michigan, she lost all rights to her three kids. It is hard because he never had a father and is twelve now. I think that maybe if there is an uncle or grandpa that could hang out with your son until his dad is able that may help some.

[PDeverit]

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on "spanking".

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child buttock-battering is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.