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  1. #1
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    Default getting married while your man is still incarcerated

    My fiance and I are considering getting married while he is incarcerated and we are both ok with that, however my issue is that i have close family members that would rather me not even talk to anyone in prison let alone get married. Therefore if we get married it will have to pretty much a secret wedding. Has anyone else been in this situation? if so what advice can you offer. Thank you

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    Well I can tell u somethin similiar and from my experience u shouldn't care wit others think cuz that's how it is wit my bf nobody wants me wit him but idc this is my life and I live it how I want and u should to u love him get married u are not going to find another love greater
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    Quote Originally Posted by shawnsbabygirl View Post
    My fiance and I are considering getting married while he is incarcerated and we are both ok with that, however my issue is that i have close family members that would rather me not even talk to anyone in prison let alone get married. Therefore if we get married it will have to pretty much a secret wedding. Has anyone else been in this situation? if so what advice can you offer. Thank you
    Congrats 2 you both that's great! I feel you girl. Before i married my hubby my family was not happy at all, but they are cool with it now so i am soo happy for that! You have 2 live your life they can't live it for you u feel me? I do wish you luck on this! Pm me if you want 2 talk..

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    Congrats to you thats wonderful and dont let anyones opinions change your mind on getting married if you love him marry him but I would say dont make it a secret wedding you can let people know and if they have something negative to say you will know whats in your heart and thats all that matters.

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    I had a prison wedding and I wouldn't have cancelled or put it off for anybody. I came from the UK and the only person there that knew about it before or after was my closest friend. My family didn't know until 4 months later when I moved over here.
    It's your life to do with what you will. No-one has the right to judge you except you yourself. If you're both happy then why not. Other people will not always be around - your husband will. You will find out who your true friends and loved ones are by who sticks with you when you do decide to 'go public'. That's all you need to know.
    Good Luck.....

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    I say go for it...it is your life and you have to do what feels right to you. I don't think I would keep it a secret...be upfront, be honest...thank people for their thoughts (you know they are going to have them anyways) but at least by being open about it you won't have people telling you that you must be ashamed of him if you kept it a secret.

    Good luck!

  7. #7
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    Yep been there done that. I announced I was married by changing my status on my facebook page, and after much thought about it and knowing I would meet with ppl who would not be supportive. However God spoke in my ear and told me "if you deny your husband and this marriage I ordained from heaven, you deny Me as well." We are both very spiritual and have kept God at the forefront of our relationship and the reason we felt marriage was the right thing for us, so after hearing that in my ear it was an easy choice to share the news with others and surprisingly I wasn't met with as much resistance as I expected.
    Think long and hard the pray about the reasons why you want to be married, esp while he's incarcerated because it isn't for everybody but Good luck with your decision.

  8. #8
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    I married my hubby while he has been in. We spent 21 months together before he went back and we both talked about getting married while he was in. We had a few people tell us to wait but it wasnt up to them. I told him it didnt matter if got married there or anywhere else. I dont reget it one bit.

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    I so know what you mean and how you feel. I am going through the same thing right now - well I have been with my man for over a year now we fell in love and decided that we wanted to get married he is still incarcerated and has about 2 yrs left on his sentence. Anyways my Mom and I are close and she threw a fit when she found out that I was going to marry him by proxy - here in Texas we can't have wedding ceremonies in the prison we have to have someone stand in for him - so my brother said he would - when my Mom found out he had a COW! I currently live with her because I work and go to school full-time so she takes care of my son while I'm at school being that I have night classes - well I couldn't afford to move out right now - I mean who would watch my son? So I kept it from her and til this day she doesn't know that we are married. I came out and told my Dad [they are divorced have been since I was little] my Dad is happy for me and hasn't told my mom. I so bad want to come out and tell her but I don't know how she would respond I mean she knows I go to visit him; get excited when he calls; she knows how I get when I get mail from him and knows that I am totally happy in the decision I've made in being with him but its hard for her to accept. So yes all my friends know we are married, his family knows we are married, my son knows, my brother, Dad and one of my cousins but not my Mom. She'll probably hate me for keeping it from her BUT if she would have only accepted it and would be happy for me then she would have known from the get-go - we have been married for 4 months already ;]

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    Quote Originally Posted by RedzReyna View Post
    I so know what you mean and how you feel. I am going through the same thing right now - well I have been with my man for over a year now we fell in love and decided that we wanted to get married he is still incarcerated and has about 2 yrs left on his sentence. Anyways my Mom and I are close and she threw a fit when she found out that I was going to marry him by proxy - here in Texas we can't have wedding ceremonies in the prison we have to have someone stand in for him - so my brother said he would - when my Mom found out he had a COW! I currently live with her because I work and go to school full-time so she takes care of my son while I'm at school being that I have night classes - well I couldn't afford to move out right now - I mean who would watch my son? So I kept it from her and til this day she doesn't know that we are married. I came out and told my Dad [they are divorced have been since I was little] my Dad is happy for me and hasn't told my mom. I so bad want to come out and tell her but I don't know how she would respond I mean she knows I go to visit him; get excited when he calls; she knows how I get when I get mail from him and knows that I am totally happy in the decision I've made in being with him but its hard for her to accept. So yes all my friends know we are married, his family knows we are married, my son knows, my brother, Dad and one of my cousins but not my Mom. She'll probably hate me for keeping it from her BUT if she would have only accepted it and would be happy for me then she would have known from the get-go - we have been married for 4 months already ;]
    I think at this point your mom is going to be mad at a whole lot of people...you and your brother because you kept it from her, your father and whoever who knows you are married. At this point, its a done deal, she can't change it. Do you think she would ask you to move out if she found out or would she just be really disappointed and angry? I understand your concerns, but I just can't imagine lying to my mother!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cerwydden View Post
    I think at this point your mom is going to be mad at a whole lot of people...you and your brother because you kept it from her, your father and whoever who knows you are married. At this point, its a done deal, she can't change it. Do you think she would ask you to move out if she found out or would she just be really disappointed and angry? I understand your concerns, but I just can't imagine lying to my mother!
    I agree with u on this Cerwydden. I could never lie 2 my mother about anything no matter what it is or how bad it is i have always been real with my mom and always will be.....

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    my mom rest her soul could always know when my sisters and i were lying about anything. she let my sisters have more freedom than me because i was the baby. do not lie to your mom about anything if you want to get married that go for it. it is your life. if it makes u happy then god bless you honey.
    GOD IS SHIFTING THE ATMOSPHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    yeah I'm having some issues with my mother not understanding my relationship with my man because we are mwi...and she has already told me flat out that if he & I ever decide to get married that she would fight me on it because of my kids and that she was not going to have her grandchildren around that

  14. #14
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    I met my ex while he was in prison the first time. He was my brothers bunkie and we got married before he got out. It wasn't the same after he came home. He even tatted my name on him before we got married so I thought he was different. He ended up going back within four months of getting out and our relationship was horrible. I stood by him the whole year and a half again and when he got out three years ago I thought it was going to work. He ended up using me to get out of trouble and then when he got freedom he left me for a 15 year old little girl.. Do not listen to what they tell you unless you know the man well enough. Remember they are behind bars and can say anything to you that they want. But on a sweet note I didn't let that stop me from talking to another man who has been behind bars for 17 years. I truely believe that you can find love with someone who is locked up but make sure you know the person before you do anything rash. I'm going to be getting married again to the man of my dreams but this time we are waiting till he comes home because if he respects you he will wait. Remember he can't go anywhere....

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    Quote Originally Posted by tara2898 View Post
    I met my ex while he was in prison the first time. He was my brothers bunkie and we got married before he got out. It wasn't the same after he came home. He even tatted my name on him before we got married so I thought he was different. He ended up going back within four months of getting out and our relationship was horrible. I stood by him the whole year and a half again and when he got out three years ago I thought it was going to work. He ended up using me to get out of trouble and then when he got freedom he left me for a 15 year old little girl.. Do not listen to what they tell you unless you know the man well enough. Remember they are behind bars and can say anything to you that they want. But on a sweet note I didn't let that stop me from talking to another man who has been behind bars for 17 years. I truely believe that you can find love with someone who is locked up but make sure you know the person before you do anything rash. I'm going to be getting married again to the man of my dreams but this time we are waiting till he comes home because if he respects you he will wait. Remember he can't go anywhere....
    I feel you on getting 2 know these men. I married my hubby in prison after a year, we have been married for 6 years and still going strong! It is soo important 2 get 2 know these men you met in on so many diff levels. Alot of trust has 2 go into these MWI relationships! If you don't have trust then it will not work. Tara i do wish you all the luck girl!

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    I'm not planning on marrying him at this point...we just started our relationship and I hardly know that much about him...I am learning more about him every day but I still don't know enough about him and our relationship's not at that point yet

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    Quote Originally Posted by wills#1princess View Post
    I'm not planning on marrying him at this point...we just started our relationship and I hardly know that much about him...I am learning more about him every day but I still don't know enough about him and our relationship's not at that point yet
    That's right you take your time 2 get 2 know him bc we all know it will not happen over night!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diamond View Post
    That's right you take your time 2 get 2 know him bc we all know it will not happen over night!
    precisely..besides I've been married once already and I'm not into rushing anything because I found out what happens when you don't know someone well enough before you marry them...I'm not the type to rush it...I'm just very impatient lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by wills#1princess View Post
    precisely..besides I've been married once already and I'm not into rushing anything because I found out what happens when you don't know someone well enough before you marry them...I'm not the type to rush it...I'm just very impatient lol
    I agree with you. I married my high school sweetie and that was 5 years after dating him and a couple of kids. It ended up in divorce so i didnt want to do it a second time but i guess in my case i knew i meant my other half but we were together 2 and half years when we said i do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by godislove52 View Post
    my mom rest her soul could always know when my sisters and i were lying about anything. she let my sisters have more freedom than me because i was the baby. do not lie to your mom about anything if you want to get married that go for it. it is your life. if it makes u happy then god bless you honey.
    Both my parents knew when i lied to them .. I cant lie i start laughing and they always knew that...The way i was raised i would get in more trouble for lying then telling the truth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by folts View Post
    Both my parents knew when i lied to them .. I cant lie i start laughing and they always knew that...The way i was raised i would get in more trouble for lying then telling the truth.
    That's how I am with my children too...if they tell me the truth up front they still get in trouble but not as severely as if they lied to me and I found out the truth later..oh boy then they're in for it

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    Quote Originally Posted by wills#1princess View Post
    That's how I am with my children too...if they tell me the truth up front they still get in trouble but not as severely as if they lied to me and I found out the truth later..oh boy then they're in for it
    That is so funny cause i find myself doing it too. And i do find out sooner or later so yea they are finding out its better just to be honest.I tell them we all mess up nobody is perfect but we learn as we grow...

  23. #23
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    exactly folts..easier on everybody to be honest & truthful from the beginning

 

 
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