Paroled or Paroling?

[TexasDust]

Do you have stories you can share that would help out someone who is going to Parole Out or is already on Parole that could help them to not reoffend.

Anything that YOU found helpful with ADJUSTING to the streets.

Places they can go for HELP of ANYKIND!

What would have made your TIME easier

What services do you feel should have been in place for you when you got out or that would have helped you on The Outside

EVEN Stories from LOVED ONES who went through it with them. Whether they made it or not:

What CHANGES they made in their life so they could Make It and not go back

What they could have or should have done that would have kept them out

It is nice to know that we are not alone and there are so many people that are going through the same things just in different ways!

[huntershoptaw]

And it's difficult. Don't think it isn't. You get use to the way that life was inside and you expect other people to have the common sense to show the proper respect to other people, but it's different out here.

The hardest part was getting a job. First, you have to remember that whatever you did before, whatever experience you have, is worth less (not worthless, just worth less) when it's over shadowed by a felony. On the bright side, there are a lot of people coming around to the fact that ex-con doesn't mean monster. I've been at my job as an Informations Officer for 4 years now. I started as a telemarketer living in a halfway house. I now have my own home, my own car, and a wife, a little boy, and a daughter on the way. It can be done. Just don't come out thinking your above a job, or that people will understand all of your habits that you've developed over the years.

The second hard part is housing. It can be tough finding a house with a felony. Many corporate apartment/housing areas don't want to deal with the possible liability. Your best bet is to find an individual or small time landlord and talk to them personally. If they see you're not the scum they think all ex-cons are then they will be more likely to rent to you. I caught a break when I went to talk to a sweet older woman who initially denied me. Once we had a civilized chat and she got to know me she was more than amiable.

Last, you will always have to deal with the stigmata of your past. A lot of this is because of the short timers/jailhouse bad guys that do a 90 and come out acting tough to everyone because they've "done time." A lot of people get the wrong idea from them. I've worked with a lot of them and they always bring it up. If you've developed some special skills in you time, don't be afraid of them, they might come in handy. Don't broadcast your past, but don't be afraid of it either. Show that you're helpful, social, and willing to go the extra mile and you'll have a decent time of it.

All that said, I've had PO's hassle me, I've had potential employers through me out, I've had people freak out, and I've had aggravations, but I've never had a cop stop me just because, I've found people that are more than understanding be my friends, and I've got along well in my life after. Just keep your head up when it gets tough and don't slip. The longer you're out the easier you can use that as your reference.

Good luck to all of you.
Hunter 2001-2005 in 2005-2008 on parole.

[BeginToday.org]

1st transition step
Be prepared to hear all the things you don't want to. Accept this, as part of your "sentence" if you will, relegate yourself to being above your prior standards and know in your mind that you are not that person anymore. Now, VERY IMPORTANT, find and put together a support network. Family, clergy (VERY HELPFUL and POWERFUL), non-profit organizations and select friends are the best. Do not make the mistake of renewing the friendships with your old "get in trouble" friends. I promise you this is the absolute worst thing for you right now. I am not saying you have to ignore all of them, especially since childhood friends are the strongest bonds. However, if you must talk to them, let them know that you don't fit into the "old ways" and must not hang with those who still do. Stand firm here, regardless of ridicule, and know that this is the first major test of your new life.
2nd transition step-coming soon

[Dillon's Wife]

Eagerly awaiting Step 2!

[j.wright]

Originally Posted by huntershoptaw

And it's difficult. Don't think it isn't. You get use to the way that life was inside and you expect other people to have the common sense to show the proper respect to other people, but it's different out here.

The hardest part was getting a job. First, you have to remember that whatever you did before, whatever experience you have, is worth less (not worthless, just worth less) when it's over shadowed by a felony. On the bright side, there are a lot of people coming around to the fact that ex-con doesn't mean monster. I've been at my job as an Informations Officer for 4 years now. I started as a telemarketer living in a halfway house. I now have my own home, my own car, and a wife, a little boy, and a daughter on the way. It can be done. Just don't come out thinking your above a job, or that people will understand all of your habits that you've developed over the years.

The second hard part is housing. It can be tough finding a house with a felony. Many corporate apartment/housing areas don't want to deal with the possible liability. Your best bet is to find an individual or small time landlord and talk to them personally. If they see you're not the scum they think all ex-cons are then they will be more likely to rent to you. I caught a break when I went to talk to a sweet older woman who initially denied me. Once we had a civilized chat and she got to know me she was more than amiable.

Last, you will always have to deal with the stigmata of your past. A lot of this is because of the short timers/jailhouse bad guys that do a 90 and come out acting tough to everyone because they've "done time." A lot of people get the wrong idea from them. I've worked with a lot of them and they always bring it up. If you've developed some special skills in you time, don't be afraid of them, they might come in handy. Don't broadcast your past, but don't be afraid of it either. Show that you're helpful, social, and willing to go the extra mile and you'll have a decent time of it.

All that said, I've had PO's hassle me, I've had potential employers through me out, I've had people freak out, and I've had aggravations, but I've never had a cop stop me just because, I've found people that are more than understanding be my friends, and I've got along well in my life after. Just keep your head up when it gets tough and don't slip. The longer you're out the easier you can use that as your reference.

Good luck to all of you.
Hunter 2001-2005 in 2005-2008 on parole.

the hardest part for me is like you said is getting rid of that mentality, if we can get that out of our heads we are that much better. ive been of parole as july 25th 1yr i did three years in mo. being on parole was tough at first i kept thinking man are they ever going to back off,i kept flipping back to that old attittude. my wife helped me out alot she rolled with me while i was in we were married after igot out. she actualy had to keep reminding me that i wasnt still in prison. finaly she got through to me.but forreal all they wanted from me was for me to be a productive member of society. you know the whole american dream. im still having a hard time finding work the felon stigma does follow me, but like you said if people get to know you for a sec. they can see past all that. it is a littile agravating at times and there are times i still feel like giving up. im having to move to a whole differant place to find work but my family and freedom is worth so much more. i wish there was an easy way to work it but there aint. there comes a time when a person has to realize that if nothing changes,nothing changes. now my wife is sitting doing her time and all i can focus on is that final prize, getting our home set up for her relase then i can help her like she helped me. its all about family. i guess realy the only thing to remeber is there is more of them ( p o 's ) then there are of us. for me its a growing up thing.

thank you for youre support
j.wright

[sintsgirl5]

Hey! I am a parolee in the state of SC. I did the Shock incarceration program at the women's prison in Columbia. Right now I am dealing with a interstate contract transfer conflict. I am trying to move to GA but they have already denied my parole. They say my PO submitted it wrong. Im so sick of all this BS. I work in a doctor's office and am enrolled in college. This is just such a burden for me. My max out date is July 24, 2014. My PO says I will have to max out on my sentence because I have such a large restitution amt. Life is crazy on papers.

[Bri's Lady]

I did 7yrs in KS & have been out for almost 4mos. My biggest problem is finding a job. That felony conviction behind my name really does cause a big stumbling block. So far I've just been working for temp agencies & am grateful for that, since so many employers hire through temp agencies now-a-days. Once they get to know me & need permanent help, I'm sure something will come along. I just have to stay strong & keep my chin up. My husband is incarcerated on a life sentence (so far he's been down for 12yrs) & getting permission to visit him has been an experience from hell, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. He keeps telling me to get on certain people about different things & I have to constantly remind him that I can't use prison mentality out here...it doesn't work that way out here. I know he's frustrated about all the red tape & so am I, but you can't act like an inmate when you're dealing with these (or any) people, so I just bite my tongue & keep jumping through the hoops. I have faith that it'll all work out...eventually. Of course I may be old & gray by the time it gets approved, but by gummys, I'm going to go see him! It's so hard doing this without him & pretty much no support from anyone out here. I was (am) nervous about being around groups of people & I still isolate alot. I know that's not good, but that's where I'm at right now. I know it'll get better...anything's better that being on the inside. Take care everyone & stay strong.

God Bless,
Bri's Lady

[robsladykat]

I too have done time (5yrs) and have felony convictions. I have not been in for 9 years but still they old it against me. I have tried every thing I can think of to be allowed to visit my husband but still nothing. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know if you get approved to visit. I am waiting for permission from the warden and then just as I thought I may get someplace with DOC they moved him!

[terrysfriend]

did 8 1/2 on a 20yr bit. been out 11yrs now. For employment, I started out with manpower. I got tired of answering potential employers questions. They would get to the place on the application where it asks if you've been convicted, and then they would fold their arms, lean back and the questions would begin. Felt as tho I were on trial again. Manpower will get you in somewhere and then it is up to you to show your ability to be a valued employee.

[Blessed N Highly Favored]

Been there, done that as well. The key to success on the outside is using your time wisely on the inside. While being property of the state, I took advantage of the benefits of being property of the state: school, school, school, classes, classes and more classes, vocations and more vocations. I left as a certified culinarian and certified business and customer service tech. Also had OJT (on the job training) certificate for warehousing. 21 days after being released, God blessed me with a position as asst mgr over a restaurant. While working there, I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL, and obtained my certification for manufacturing specialist. Now, 2years and 7 months later, I'm employed at one of the top industrial mills in the world making more than 40k a year. Please know that it has not been easy. There were times, I felt like throwing in the towel. Just when I threw in the towel, God caught it and gave it back to me and said, dont give up just yet. That same day I was offered a job at the mill. Of course, I accept.

For those that are out, it's not too late to use your time wisely. Society wants to know, are you willing to start over and rebuild your reputation? Employers want to know, do you have real integrity. For those who have loved ones on the inside...Tell them to milk the cow...get all they can get... start building and paving the road now because its the road they're going to need when they get home. You cant wait for tomorrow to build when you need direction today.

My prayer are with you all. Most importantly, you have to believe in a higher power. My higher power is God and HE has proven himself to me.

also, good news, Im getting married. He on the inside but his mind is on the outside. He mentors young guys so they wont have to go back. Everyone adore him. Be blessed all.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS...THIS IS WHAT GOT ME THROUGH: You are not what society say you are. You are what God created you to be. You are not your crime, your crime was just the mistake that was needed to save your life and get you on the right track... That's how much God loves you. He loves you enough to accept you as you are but he also loves you enough to not leave you that way.