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| Children with Parents in Prison For the children with parents in prison |
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#21
08-04-2009, 02:18 AM
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i personally feel that with ur child having only been 3 weeks old, the father obviously committed the crime b4 ur became pregnant or right after u found out, but still the child needs to know him. (my opinion) my sons father is in jail, they dont have a relationship because every time I let him around my son, he lies and hurts him. but guess what.. MY SON STILL WISHES THAT HIS DAD DID TALK TO HIM MORE, WRITE MORE... IT'S THAT CHILDS CHOICE.. EVEN AS THE PRIMARY PARENT, WE CAN'T MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR THEM...
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#22
08-13-2009, 03:07 AM
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#23
08-13-2009, 03:28 AM
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As for your decisions with your son....I will keep you and your son in my prayers. I can only imagine the pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment your son has/is experiencing. Maybe one day these men/women that are in prison will think about the effect that it has on their children. NEVER LET YESTERDAY USE UP TO MUCH OF TODAY!! BE BLESSED
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#24
08-13-2009, 03:36 PM
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I read alot of stories and wonder why that money isn't going towards buying a house or going towards the children so their well being is taken care of. But I am not one to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves... This comment of yours is right on Even The Bible States that If you are giving to someone that does not have and they will not help themselves, are you really helping, that you are just prolonging them in there state of being. Meaning Let them be and let them get to the bottom of the pit they are creating for themselves so they have to look up and start to make a way for themselves to get out..... I'm Sorry You Have Had To Endure What You Have Gone Through! I Hope You Succeed In All You Set Out To Do..... Some parents abandon their kids when things go wrong, but for the one's who stick by their chid that is Real Strength and Devotion.....
__________________
   Ordained to Eternal Life 
Last edited by TexasDust; 08-13-2009 at 06:58 PM.
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#25
08-21-2009, 10:10 AM
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my son and his father will no doubt have a relationship of some sort. i really can't blame his father for not being a better parent, he had bad role models in his own life growing up. and they were'nt incarcerated... and while u may have not set up here and "spoke ill" of your child's father directly, u still have indirectly. WWJD... now i'll keep you and your son in my prayers, and as GOD to lighten your heart, because you come across as an angry and bitter young woman.
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#26
08-21-2009, 12:38 PM
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My sons father has been in jail for 13yrs and I can count on one hand how many times I have taken my son into a prison. His father maybe writes him 3-5times a year. These men may not be able to do much for their children but they can at least have a relationship thru pen and paper. "I" as a mother had to decide what was in the best interest of my son. So with that being said I had to cut all ties with his father. I know your probably thinking that I am mean or cruel. But I decide what is best for my son and nothing good can come out of a unhealthy relationship, regardless of who it is. My sons father is set to be released in 2011. And me and my son have set down and discussed his fathers upcoming release. As I told my son we (me and my son) will give his father a few months to get some things in order. I don't mean necessarily financially but mentally. If he gets out and makes the right steps towards becoming a better man and father and makes steps to develope a relationship with his son.....Then and only then will he be apart of my sons life. If not then "he" will be missing out on a beautiful child both inside and out. "I" am raising my son to let his fathers mistakes and bad choices serve as a learning experience for him, sort of a what not to do. I am also raising him to be a strong young man, independent, loving, respectful,......
I do not speak ill of my sons father to him and never will. But in the same sense I will never lie or sugar coat anything.[/QUOTE] There are some things that a mother can NEVER teach her male child and that's where a father comes into play IF the father choses to be there. You seem very hurt and carry alot of bitterness within. Your son's father is and will continue to pay for whatever it is he did but if you are waiting for this man to get out and get himself together mentally before allowing him in your son's life then I say to you, don't hold your breath!! Explain to me how they establish the proper type of father-son relationship and this boy is now a teenager? I'm sorry but like you stated, it's all about what's best for my son and if his father was incarcerated I would do all that I could (despite the fact that it's not my responsibility) to help him have a decent relationship with his father. Women need to get out of the mindset of they are doing something for the man, ultimately you are doing it for your child!! We as woman can give all that we can, have good male role models around our boys but still there will be something that's missing, the bond between father and son that no one can replace. The only reason I would stop all communication was if his father was abusive to him or incarcerated for molestation. One day situations will arise in your son's life and you will wish he had some type of communication with his father. Even no good fathers can pass along something and they can relate to certain issues that we cannot. A couple of letters a year is more than none at all and you could easily explain to him that his dad may not be the best but he does care in his own way. Your life and your child though and you have to raise him how you see fit and what works for you. I do know that children of absent parents tend to grow up and have some sort of problems. Be it in their marriage/relationships, everyday life issues or relationships with their own children.
__________________
A TRUE RIDER, DOING THE ENTIRE BID!! 
Last edited by GAPEACH2005; 08-21-2009 at 12:50 PM.
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#27
09-17-2009, 12:37 AM
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I am raising 3 children ages 14, 15 and 17 on my own. The have had some contact with their father over the last two years and in January started seeing him every other weekend until April of this year, when he was picked up for taking cars. My children were crushed. They had just gotten used to seeing him again and now he was sent to prison for 16 mo to 10yrs. I don't know how to ease their pain or help them cope. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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#28
09-17-2009, 12:51 AM
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There are some things that a mother can NEVER teach her male child and that's where a father comes into play IF the father choses to be there. You seem very hurt and carry alot of bitterness within. Your son's father is and will continue to pay for whatever it is he did but if you are waiting for this man to get out and get himself together mentally before allowing him in your son's life then I say to you, don't hold your breath!! Explain to me how they establish the proper type of father-son relationship and this boy is now a teenager? I'm sorry but like you stated, it's all about what's best for my son and if his father was incarcerated I would do all that I could (despite the fact that it's not my responsibility) to help him have a decent relationship with his father. Women need to get out of the mindset of they are doing something for the man, ultimately you are doing it for your child!! We as woman can give all that we can, have good male role models around our boys but still there will be something that's missing, the bond between father and son that no one can replace. The only reason I would stop all communication was if his father was abusive to him or incarcerated for molestation. One day situations will arise in your son's life and you will wish he had some type of communication with his father. Even no good fathers can pass along something and they can relate to certain issues that we cannot. A couple of letters a year is more than none at all and you could easily explain to him that his dad may not be the best but he does care in his own way. Your life and your child though and you have to raise him how you see fit and what works for you. I do know that children of absent parents tend to grow up and have some sort of problems. Be it in their marriage/relationships, everyday life issues or relationships with their own children.[/QUOTE] I used to think it was in the best interest of my children to cut off all contact with their father. I did try this and came to the realization that he is the only father they will ever have. You can't replace a child's father. Once they have formed that relationship they need that even if it is with a father that only writes 5 times a year. I sat my children down and we all agreed if they wanted their dad in their life there would be limits as to what would be allowed for their safety. Since we have made our choice my children take the good moments as they can get them and believe me there are plenty of bad, but they feel having that little moment with their father that is good gives them a sense of being complete. They know he loves them and has made very bad choices in life that has hurt our family in many ways, but they would give any thing to have that 30 min visit to laugh with their father or a 1 page letter sharing with each other. In the end it is something, which for a child it is better than nothing. My children are good children, they have all tried to learn from their fathers mistakes. I think the hardest part for them, is trying to understand why their father does the stuff he does. As a mother I can only hope that using their father or any other person as an example of what bad can happen in life and how it affects a family, that my children will grow up to be good people.
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#29
09-17-2009, 12:55 AM
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My children were very hurt by their father going to prison, but they feel they need to be able to have a 30 min laugh with their dad. It helps them to know they do have a father.. They don't feel so empty inside. They write to him as well. I hope this helps
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#30
09-20-2009, 02:24 PM
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This is only my second time coming onto the forum, and I don't mean to be rude, but the title of this forum is for CHILDREN w/ parents that are in prison. I thought it was meant to be a message board where CHILDREN/YOUNG ADULTS could come and discuss their issues, thoughts, and opinions about their parents. I did not know that PARENTS would be discussing their decisions in upbringing. I do not feel that anyone should judge another parent for their actions, every parent knows what's best for their child, every parent knows their child best, and every individual parent has the right to raise their child as them deem acceptable. If everyone would be so kind as to find the right forum for this discussion that would be greatly appreciated.
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